


The Waves Of The Sea

by mikke



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: E-mail, Epistolary, M/M, Mutual Pining, Online Relationship, Strangers, Strangers to Lovers, and louis/orginal female character, and niall is around as well, and something that could be considered smutty but it's like three sentences, but only referenced in a few sentences, i don't know how to tag this hmm, liam makes a short appearance, there's alcohol, there's also harry/original male character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-05-05 03:45:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5359880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikke/pseuds/mikke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of how two strangers fell in love without ever meeting each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is. Inspired by a few books I read and which titles I forgot, and written late at night which explains a lot of things, probably.

 

**First**

  
  


3 June 2016, 07:51 pm

Subject: Found your phone

Hello.

I found your phone on the train today, good for you for having your email address on the lockscreen.

Contact me so we can work a way out for me to get it back to you?

Louis.

  
  


_3 June 2016, 11:02 pm_

_Subject: RE: Found your phone_

_Hiii_

_thank you so much for contacting me, it's very nice of you. Unfortunately I won't be home for the next few days, would it be okay for you to meet up with one of my friends? Just tell me time and place that works best for you. I am terribly sorry for the inconvenience._

_Harry_

  
  


4 June 2016, 07:18 am

Subject: RE: Found your phone

No worries, I'm happy I can help. But since I'll be going on vacation early tomorrow I'm not sure if I'll be able to meet with your friend, I could mail it to you if you would give me your address? Or a PO box maybe, if you feel more save that way. If that's not an option I'll get my friend to meet with yours, it's no problem, really.

Louis

PS: just out of curiosity – how often have you lost your phone to put your email address on the lockscreen??

  
  


_4 June 2016, 09:42 am_

_Subject: RE: Found your phone_

_Hey Louis_

_I'll be honest with you, a couple of times. I started putting my email address on the lockscreen after the second time but not everyone is as kind as you to actually reach out to me. Thank you, again. PO box is fine to me. The address is_ Harry Styles, Box 437, London WC1N 3XX. _If you want to I can repay you for the inconvenience somehow, maybe with a coffee after we're both back in the city?_

_Harry_

_PS: have a nice holiday._

  
  


_10 June 2016, 03:19 pm_

_Subject: Thank you_

_Louis_

_One more time, thank you for contacting me and actually returning the phone. I'm back home now and it's so good to have it back. I hope I wasn't being to forward by asking you out for coffee, it's completely fine if you don't want to. I am a complete stranger after all._

_Anyway, I hope you have a nice rest of your vacation – or if you're already back home I hope you enjoyed it._

_Thank you lots_

_Harry_

  
  


13 June 2016, 05:38 pm

Subject: RE: Thank you

Hi Harry

You are welcome, and you can stop thanking me. I don't mean that in a rude way, but I meant it when I said that it's no big deal.

Thank you, yes I had a really good vacation, to short in my opinion but that's just the way it is, isn't it? And no, you weren't to forward with inviting me for coffee, I was just too busy to reply. I might get back to you on that, though, but as sad as it sounds I don't really have the time for that right now, since I'm a bit busy with life and work and all that.

Question: How does one manage to lose their phone that often? I don't think I could manage to leave mine anywhere, let alone a tube.

Hoping you have a good day,

Louis

  
  


_14 June 2016, 04:16 pm_

_Subject: RE: Thank you_

_Louis_

_Vacations are always way too short, aren't they? If you don't mind me asking, where did you go? I've been dreaming of the beach and the sun for a long time, haven't left this country in way too long. One day when I'm rich and old I'll leave this rainy city and move somewhere sunny, that's my dream. Somewhere where I can hear the waves of the sea clashing againt the shore, isn't that just the most calming sound?_

_Okay, just say the word and we'll go for a coffee. Maybe that's just the thing you need if your life is that busy, a bit of a break to escape. (How bad is it that I just got a bit excited over the fact that this rhymes.)_

_Now to your question, I am a bit of a clumsy person in general, if I don't lose my phone or keys I trip over a dog or my own feet. Has something to do with me growing too fast – the stumbling thing not the losing stuff thing – I don't think I'll ever get used to my limbs. That said, I'm sure you've lost something of importance before, don't make me look and feel like a weird person here._

_I hope your day is as good as mine_

_Harry_

  
  


14 June 2016, 04:30 pm

Subject: RE: Thank you

What do you do in your freetime, write poems? The way you talk about the sound of waves makes me believe I'm already there. I went to France with my family, and it was a bit like you described it. Our house was near the sea, and waking up to the actual sun every morning was exactly what I needed.

I'm not going to lie, reading about you getting excited over that rhyme made me chuckle. I bet you're that person who makes a pun out of every other sentence.

Now I imagine you as some kind of giant, arms to the ground and feet twice as big as would be considered normal. And once again you made me laugh, my little sister demanded to know why I'm laughing at my phone.

To be honest, I don't think I ever lost something that important, really. Sure, I've lost things but nothing on the level of a phone or keys. I guess we're just very different people when it comes to that.

Since I don't know just _how_ good your day exactly is – or was, depending on when you will read this – I can't say your wish has come true, but I did in fact had quite a good day today. Busy, but still good.

Louis

  
  


_16 June 2016, 07:51 pm_

_Subject: Hi again_

_Louis – I can't help but wonder, is it Louis like Louie or Louis like Lewis? I know it doesn't really matter but I'd like to pronounce your name in my head the right way._

_I don't write poems, but thank you, I guess. Even though I do like to write songs sometimes, I can play the guitar a bit and sometimes I manage to produce something nice._

_France sounds beautiful, I've only been once but it's a nice memory. Now when you say family, are you talking about siblings and parents or wife/husband and kids, if you don't mind me asking? I just realised that I don't know how old you are, I can only guess._

_Difference is good, though, life would be pretty boring if we were all the same._

_I'm happy you had a good day._

_Harry_

  
  


16 June 2016, 07:58 pm

Subject: RE: Hi again

It's Louis like Louie.

Now I'd quite like to see you guessing my age, so I am not going to tell you. I'll answer your question about my vacation after you at least tried to guess.

I wish I could play the guitar, I've been playing piano on and off for a few years, but I'm nowhere to be considered good or talented. I'm trying to hold on to it, though, music really is a way for me to relax.

Now show me your skills in reading people, I'll be waiting.

Louis like Louie.

  
  


_16 June 2016, 09:23 pm_

_Subject: RE: Hi again_

_Okay, in favour of sorting my thoughts I made a list of factors to take into consideration. Let's hope I get this right._

_1) You talked about your sister. You called her_ little _which is usually something people do when their sibling is either significantly younger or if that person is still young themselves – after a certain age people tend to lose the prefix. Which is why I would say you're under the age of thirty, or your mother got you very young and your sister rather late. Just a thought._

_2) Your writing style makes me think you write emails on a daily basis, work related maybe? You reply fast enough to make me think you check your emails reguarly, either work related or you are just so eager to write me back ;)_

_3) You keep saying your life is busy at the moment. Now that could mean a whole lot of things but keeping in mind that you're probably under the age of thirty – see 1) – I'd guess you're either in the last years of university or working one of your first jobs, as an intern maybe? That would explain 2) and you saying your life is busy. Either way it would put your age around twenty to twenty-six._

_4) You said you would get your friend to meet up with mine to give the phone back if mailing was an option, your_ friend _not mother or father. Which means you're probably not living with your parents, so definitely not under eighteen._

 _5) And to prove my point further, a person who doesn't think he could lose his phone anywhere must be quite depending on it, so I'll rule out fifty+. (No offence if you_ are _over fifty.)_

_In conclusion I'm going to go with twenty to twenty-six, although my guts tell me you're more somewhere in your mid-twenties, twenty-five, maybe? I know I could be completely wrong with all of this, but these are my thoughts after reading your emails._

_Now please tell me that I'm right (at least with 4) please ), that would be great for my ego._

_Harry_

  
  


16 June, 09:49 pm

Subject: Good guess

Woah there Sherlock – calm down.

You're scarily right with most of your thoughts, and I really enjoyed reading this.

But don't get ahead of youself, I do in fact write buisness related emails on a daily basis, even though I do appreciate you showing up in my inbox quite a lot. I'm not an intern anymore, but I am just at the beginning of my career, working for a record label and getting overloaded with work as the little, young employee working his first real job.

So to calm your mind – and boost your ego – I am twenty-four years old, congratulation on getting that almost right, I am actually impressed.

Sadly I am not as good as you with reading people, so I'll just count on you for telling me your age now, too?

Louis

PS: I never thought about the _little_ sister thing to be honest, I'm amazed you even caught that.

  
  


_17 June 2016, 10:43 am_

_Subject: RE: Good guess_

_Louis -_

_You have no idea how happy it makes me to actually get this right, I hadn't thought I would be this accurate. Anyway – I would lie if I would say I don't enjoy seeing you in my inbox, too, it's a bit weird how we started talking over a lost phone, isn't it?_

_Even if I would have liked to see you trying to guess my age, I won't make you do it. I'm twenty-two years old, in university studying English literature but not really sure what to do with my degree after. I am not even good at it. I guess I'll just see, right?_

_If you don't mind me asking, how old is your sister? Mine is a few years older than me, I wish I had younger siblings even though I love the one I have to death._

_Harry .x_

  
  


17 June 2016, 12:09 am

Subject: RE: Good guess

Harry –

I have to say I'm quite relieved you're about the same age as me, not that I had expected something else. I might not be as good with reading people as you are but I can relate on the feeling in my guts quite well.

The sister I was talking about a few days ago is twelve years old, but I have a few more siblings. The twelve year old has a twin – they were quite a handful when they were toddlers – the older ones are fifteen and seventeen, both girls and my youngest sister is two and her twin is my only brother.

It's a chaos whenever I come home, but I love it. There is nothing better than the chaos of your family, I'm not good with a quiet enviroment. Which would explain why I'm quite a loud person myself, I heard I can get annoying in person.

Back to your question a few emails back, the holiday in France was with my silblings and my parents, no husband for me, sadly. Even though I'm only twenty-four so maybe that's not that sad after all. Still, no boyfriend either so it does get a bit lonely sometimes, as I said, I'm not good with silence.

And you're right, the reason we are talking is strange. And I feel like it's even more strange how comfortable I feel telling you all these things without knowing you or ever meeting you. But here I am, telling you all about my family and my love life, and somehow it doesn't feel weird or wrong at all? It should, but it doesn't. Please tell me I'm not the only one here.

English literature sounds interesting, even though I would probably die of boredom. No offence, as you said, difference between people is good. You would probably roll your eyes at how boring my day is, all I ever do in my job is paperwork and more paperwork and emails here and there. I thought I'd get to meet some interesting people working the job I am, but all I ever see is that little room in that obnoxiously tall and ugly building. I hope you'll end up somewhere you enjoy.

Louis x – if I get a kiss you get one, too.

  
  


_02 July 2016, 10:37 pm_

_Subject: It's me again_

_Louis_

_I'm so sorry for not writing back for more than two weeks. I lost a person close to me – I knew it was coming for a long time and she was old, but it still hurts anyway – and my life has been a chaos since._

_I spent some time with my family up north, and while it was good to be surrounded by my family again – you're right, nothing like the chaos of your home – I am happy to be back in London, and back in my life again._

_Don't worry, nothing about this is weird. Or if it is at least we both feel the same way, somehow I feel like I could tell you anything. Even though you're just a stranger on the internet I am comfortable around you like we are friends, even if there's no new email from you I feel like you're still there, like I could just turn to you and write._

_Which does sound weird when I write it, the few conversations don't make up to all the things we could tell each other in person, but somehow that makes it even better._

_For me you're that presence on my screen, listening without judging, because there is nothing you expect from me since you don't know me in real life. It's comforting, to know that you will read my words and write back, without everything a normal conversation brings, awkward eye contact and pauses at the wrong time. It's a bit like an escape from the real world to me._

_You could be any person on the street, a stranger I see on the tube – since we both know we use the same line – and I wouldn't know. You're just the Louis like Louie I know when I write to you, no surname or picture in my head to go with your name._

_I really enjoy this, thank you._

_Harry .x_

  
  


03 July 2016, 12:47 am

Subject: RE: It's me again

Harry

I sincerely hope you and your family are good, I'm taking from your words that your grandmother died? As you said, it hurts no less knowing that it's coming, it's still a loss that leaves you numb and scared.

And I know what you're talking about. Even though I'd love to get to know you in person, put a face to your name, a voice to your words, and expressions to your writing, not acutally knowing you is comforting in a way, like you said.

Maybe we'll meet someday in the future, or maybe we already have, somewhere in a bakery or shop or maybe you are that person on the tube who hums Christmas songs in June. Who knows.

I would write you for a bit longer, but it's late and I'm tired.

Louis x

  
  


_03 July 2016, 01:34 am_

_Subject: Go to sleep then_

_Louis_

_If you are tired you should go to bed and sleep, there is no point in staying up if your brain is already dreaming. Don't do that to your body._

_Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not the Christmas song humming person, nor have I ever met them, even though they do sound fun to be around. No, who am I kidding, people who sing Christmas songs in the summer are the worst._

_Speaking of meeting people when we least expect it, when I was home with my family I ran into someone I never thought I would ever see again. Or so I hoped. I am not going to go into great detail over what happened a few years ago, but I can tell you that the memories that came back up were not something I enjoyed. It's strange, isn't it, how a person, just a face or the name can pull you back years ago, can turn your whole world upside down._

_I wonder if I have that kind of affect on people. Not in a negative way, but I wonder if my face, my voice, can influence people, change their day in a way they never expected. I sometimes wonder if I exist in other people's lives, do you know what I mean? If my name comes up in casual conversation every now and then, if I am the main character in someone's story. I hope I am. I hope people remember me in some kind of way, because that's really how we live on, isn't it? In the memories and stories of other people, that way we can't die._

_I'm going out tonight, hopefully making memories and stories for other people to tell, but I hope you have a good night, sleep tight. (Another rhyme, hah. I'm sorry.)_

_.x Harry_

  
  


03 July 2016, 08:32 am

Subject: RE: Go to sleep then

Good morning Harry.

Or maybe for you it's still the night, after a long night out you are probably still sleeping. You should. Rest that mind of yours, and that body with the comically large limbs. (Really, I need to get that image out of my head.)

I hope meeting that person didn't upset you too much, but by the way you are writing you seem fine. A bit philosophical maybe, but fine. And I can assure you that you do come up in conversation between other people every other time.

Just yesterday, actually, I had a conversation with my best friend about you. It may be 2016, but apparently meeting strangers over the internet is still not a widely accepted thing – even though we haven't actually met.

Said best friend just sometimes has his head stuck up places, lovely person and usually fun to be around, but he told me he was worried about me.

Only when I laughed at him and told him that I'm 98% sure that you're not a axe-murderer, he explained it to me, and honestly, I understand where he is coming from.

He's not worried about you killing me – thank you very much, Liam – but about how I give myself completely to you. And it's true, I am completely gone for you. Not in the ' _I love you_ ' kind of way, but truth be told I am way to involved in this email thing than could ever be considered healthy.

Our conversations go on in my head even when we're not talking, I feel your presence when I read your words even though you could technically be anywhere in the world. I wouldn't know if you were standing right next to me on the tube, but my heart jumps when I see your name in my inbox.

It's ridiculous and stupid, and I fear this might have gone too far.

I have this image of you in my head, this image of a person who I feel like I know, I feel like I know how your brain works, and what you would say in what situation. And the stupid thing about it is that it's not true.

It's an image, that's all it is. Even though I'm sure you're a nice person to be around, in my head you're this glorified person, always around. My imagination has taken over.

This is the good thing about emails, isn't it? I don't have to look you in the eyes as I say this, I can take my time to find the right words, delete and rewrite. And I've done a lot of rewriting.

With everything I said above, I in no means want this to stop, want us to stop. I just want to be honest with you, let you know that I'm in this, maybe a bit too much. Who knows.

Now I hope you sleep for another couple of hours.

Louis. x

  
  


10 July 2016, 09:51 pm

Subject: Hey

Harry -

It's been a week since my last email. I am sorry if what I wrote was too much, I read it over and I would completely understand if you wouldn't want to reply anymore, in which case I would obviously stop writing, too. It's a bit of a weird thing after all, isn't it?

Louis x

  
  


17 July 2016, 05:59 pm

Subject: Hey again

H

It's been another week, and I stand with what I said in my last email. But could you at least tell me you have read it? I know it's stupid, but I'd like to know if you are okay.

Louis

  
  


03 August 2016, 11:31 pm

Subject: Sorry

H

Sorry for writing again. I hope this is not too much, I don't want to annoy you. It's just been a month without a word from you, and I'm a bit worried.

I sincerely hope you are alright.

Louis

  
  


03 October 2016, 09:44 am

Subject: Are you alive????

Harry -

Three months is a lot.

Please tell me you are not lying dead in a pitch somewhere, please tell me you are healthy and alive and this is just about the one stupid email I send. Please tell me you are sitting somewhere in the library of your university, too busy to reply. Or that you have won the lottery and left your life behind you, and are currently enjoying the sun on your face as you hear the waves of the sea.

This will be the last email I write if you don't respond, you will not hear from me ever again if that's what you want.

Just tell me you're alright.

Louis x

  
  


16 October 2016, 03:45 am

Subject: -

Harry.

  
  


 


	2. Second

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy :)

**Second**

  


_03 December 2016, 10:27 pm_

_Subject: -_

_Louis._

_The day I write to you is the 3 December. It's been exactly six months since that first email of yours, six months in which my life has turned itself upside down and back again._

_Little did I know when I first clicked on the unfamiliar name in my inbox, that the person writing would become such a big part of my life so fast. Little did I know that the person writing would influence every single day of the next six months to come. Little did I know._

_It's the truth._

_I want to apologise. Apologise for not writing back in the first place and then for not replying after, I can only imagine what the sudden silence must have felt like. Not that there ever was a silence for me, I kept you around, in your previous emails saved on my phone and in loving memory. You lived on._

_But let me explain._

_When I read your email that day, I found myself lost in your words. I felt understood and save somehow. Than it took me time to reply, and suddenly I didn't feel save anymore. I felt lost, because I don't understand my feelings for you._

_There are words I want to say, words I want to use to explain, but what purpose do words have if they come from a place unworthy of them._

_How could I ever explain what I don't understand._

_I gave myself more time, a day and then another and then another. The more time passed the more I felt the need to write the right thing, find the right words, but I didn't. So I didn't reply._

_And as time went on, and with every email I didn't answer, I distanced myself further from you. I'll be honest, it was like losing a friend, in the few weeks you have somehow become a part of me, of my life._

_I met someone._

_I met him like people usually meet each other, face to face, a bit of flirting, a swap of phone numbers._

_I met and got to know him like people are supposed to, I fell for his warm eyes and soft smile. We texted and we laughed and slept with each other. We had movie nights out, he met my friends and my sister. It worked, you know? It worked because he was a person to touch and kiss and hold at night._

_But even after not speaking to you for months, I had a constant voice in my head, a voice I like to imagine is yours. I imagine it to be a soft voice, loud sometimes._

_And that voice – your voice – kept popping up in my head. '_ What would Louis say, what would Louis think _' it would say. Over and over again until I once more ached to read your words again._

_I got to the point where I read over every single one of your emails ten times, somehow hoping to find a bit of something new in them. A bit more Louis._

_I stayed strong, or so I like to think. I told myself over and over again that I should deal with it like I would with a breakup. A strange breakup from a strange relationship, but a breakup nonetheless. Not looking back, moving on, forgetting with time._

_I didn't forget._

_Not for one day did I forget the person in my emails that never failed to put a smile on my face._

_And still, in the end it was you who made me write you again._

_You have got a beautiful smile._

_I had to try._

_I hope it's not too late._

_Love, Harry._

_PS: I've never been someone to look through my camera roll often. Maybe I should have._

  


04 December 2016, 07:01 am

Subject: You're back.

Harry.

Honestly, I never thought I would ever see your name in my inbox again. That said, I never thought I would have such a strong reaction to it either.

You are alive. You are okay. And you don't hate me. And I'm not sure if you understand how good that makes me feel, even though reading your last email I think you might do.

So here I am again, sitting at my kitchentable in the morning, tea getting cold and I might miss the tube to work, but it doesn't matter because you are here. You are actually back.

I am not going to lie, the last few months have been lonely, as sad as it sounds. I could have screamed when Liam's face yelled ' _I told you so_ ', but I didn't. I kept myself together, trying to hold on to the last bit of dignity still left.

Now you know what I look like. I feel like that's a bit of an unfair advantage, my face in your mind as you read my words. I'm glad though my impromptu selfie/kind of picture of the moment from exactly six months ago has brought you back to me. It seems like I do make great choices from time to time.

Tell me, please, what is your boyfriends name? I don't want to be invasive but if there's no face a name can do wonders. I like to keep my thoughts organised.

Thank you for not giving up. Thank you for coming back.

Louis xx

  


_04 December 2016, 09:48 am_

_Subject: RE: You're back._

_Yes, I am back. And I couldn't be more grateful for that, I can breathe again._

_Well, it's only fair that we both have a bit more knowledge over the other person, I might have a picture of you but you have my last name – the PO box, remember?_

_I see it as another addition to my image of you, a puzzle piece so to speak. It's just one more thing to form_ you _, one more thing to complete the picture, but it's not the most important one._

_There are hundreds of pieces waiting to be put together, and I have only seen very few of them. Your appearance is part of you, but even if I hadn't seen the picture you would be here. A person, just as complete._

_Let me fit more puzzle pieces together, help me to enlarge what is you in my head._

_Harry xxx_

  


04 December 2016, 05:24 pm

Subject: RE: You're back.

H

Now a normal person would have asked if they could get to know me better, but I think the biggest puzzle piece I have about you – hah, stealing your methapor (Similie? Analogy? I'm lost, you're the English lit student here) – is that you are far from being a normal person. Whatever that is supposed to be. All I know is that you are not one of them.

I can hear your little jokes in my head, I can see you chuckle and furrow your brows as you think about what to write. I can see all of that without a face, and I stand with my point that you have an unfair advantage.

Your last name doesn't show me your face, Styles, and even though I know it's all about the inner values, blah blah, I am desperate to know what your face looks like, if your eyes crinkle in the corners when you laugh. I think we have already established I like your inner values quite a lot. Now don't leave me hanging.

Louis xx

  


_05 December 2016, 09:32 pm_

_Subject: If you insist +1 Attachement_

_Lou – here you go. I hope you are not disappointed ;) ._

_To be honest with you, three years of university and I still get confused. I'd like to say with confidence it's an analogy, but the longer I think about it the more I think it's not one at all. I told you I am not good at what I do. I need a break._

_I didn't answer your question from your email before, I'm sorry. You were asking about my boyfriend. His name is Daniel, or Dan. We've been with each other for about two and a half months now, but it already feels too much, too long._

_I feel wrong writing these words, with him just sitting on the other end of the sofa. It feels wrong because it's the truth, no matter how hard I try it not to be._

_But I struggle. I struggle with giving myself completely to him the way I should, the way it is only fair in a healthy relationship. I'm not here with him the way he deserves to, because he really deserves the best. '_ It's not you, it's me _', I hate these clichés but for the first time it seems like I might actually use these words._

_Let's see how the next few days go. Wish me luck._

_xx Harry._

  


05 December 2016, 10:17 pm

Subject: RE: If you insist

H

How could I be disappointed if you look like _this_??? I like to think a picture of you wouldn't change my opinion about you but Harry, you are quite an attractive person.

Now I have questions. Do you wear your hair in a bun? A ponytail maybe? Do you braid it? Can _I_ braid it?

When I was seventeen I broke up with my girlfriend. We had been together for a year and a bit, and little teenage-me thought I was in love with her. It took me a while to figure out that I wasn't, I loved her, yes, but I wasn't _in_ love with her. I loved her because we had been friends for eleven years, I loved her because I cared deeply about her and she was my best friend. But I couldn't love her the way she deserved, I could never give myself fully to her. I guess I just ignored how wrong the kisses felt for the time we were together, but when it came to us having sex for the first time I couldn't any longer.

It wasn't _bad_ , hey, orgasms are great, but it wasn't good. It wasn't right. We broke up and in the end she was the one to hold me when I cried for hours over the thought that I might be gay. She was amazing. Maybe I should call her some time.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not fair to the other person. It's not fair if we lie to them and it's not fair if we are not in the relationship the same way they are.

In the end Clara was happy I told her. Well, maybe not happy but she appreciated me being honest, giving her the option to spend time with someone who loved her back the way she deserved.

I hope whatever you decide to do turns out well.

xxx Louis

PS: I hope Dan gives you great orgasms at least. That's one good thing to take out of the relationship, right?

  


_06 December 2016, 08:41 am_

_Subject: RE: If you insist_

_Louis – you're the absolute worst._

_There are a lot of other great things I take out of the relationship, thank you very much. (No. He doesn't. Too much spit. Too. Much. Spit.) And now I am a bad person. Sigh._

_Thank you, for calling me attractive and all of that._

_Yes, I do put my hair in a bun sometimes, no, I tried it and it looked stupid, I had it braided once but I'm not good with doing it myself, and that would imply that we would need to meet, wouldn't it?_

_Which, to be honest, sounds quite nice. I'd love to meet you one day, I'm just not sure the time is right for that. But let's keep that in the back of our minds, alright?_

_By the way, now that I know what you look like I can't help but look for you in the crowd of the tube every morning, it could very well be that we don't take the same but it's always a possibility, right? I don't know what I would like more, seeing your face one day half hidden behind a newspaper – do you read the newspaper? – or not seeing you. I'm scared it would be awkward._

_Call Clara. It's always nice to catch up with old friends, especially if they played such a big role in your life once. Don't let them forget you, and don't forget them either. Call her._

_Harry xx_

  


07 December 2016, 07:28 pm

Subject: Okay

H, Harry, Harold.

I'll call her. I have a habit of letting people go to easily after I haven't spoken to them for a while, I just stop talking to them. I hate it, but I never seem to work on it. I'll call her, I promise.

I would be lying if I said I didn't look out for your face the last two days, too. We're a bunch of weirdos, that's what we are.

Do you think we would have ever met each other if I hadn't picked up your phone that day? Do you think we would have gotten to know each other some other way? I hope so.

It's Christmas soon. Do you celebrate Christmas? Hanukkah? Something else? I'm really bad with different religions, sorry.

But it's Christmas soon. Which means it's my birthday soon, too. When I was a kid I used to hate having my birthday on Christmas Eve, somehow it takes a bit of the special feeling from your day if everyone else is excited and happy anyways, doesn't it? And I had all of these amazing wishes in summer, but when the holiday season came around I could never come up with enough ideas for all of my extended family. Not that I got _that_ many presents, it got significantly less with every new sibling. Still, I was hopelessly overwhelmed with all the things I could suddenly wish for.

I'll be twenty-five soon. I refuse to have a quarter-life crisis. I refuse. But it all seems to go by so fast, doesn't it? I know it doesn't matter, I know I have plenty of time and I know I'm not _old_ , but I always thought I would have kids by the age of thirty, and somehow I'm not getting anywhere in the partner department.

I picked playing piano up again. For real, with a teacher and all. I forgot how much I missed to lose myself completely in the music, I forgot how amazing it feels.

We'll meet each other one day, I promise. One day when we both feel like it's the right time. I'm already looking forward to it.

xxx Louis

  


_08 December 2016, 06:51 am_

_Subject: My brain is weird._

_Lou._

_Harold – that's a new one. You do know that's not actually my name right? But I guess you don't care. Lewis._

_We are both winter kids then. My birthday is on 1 February, not far from yours. I'll keep Christmas Eve marked in my calendar now, for other reasons than Christmas._

_You're old. So old. Incredibly old. Jesus, Louis you have all the time in the world, don't worry about a stupid number, okay? You are fine._

_It's early in the morning. I literally woke up about ten minutes ago, but here I am, writing you. Because I needed to tell you about my dream before I forgot it._

_Basically what happened was that I was sitting on the tube. Not_ in _the tube but literally on top of the train. And I was writing to you and suddenly a girafe came out of my phone. Like. I don't know. What the hell, really. So I was just sitting on top of a train with a girafe next to me and that was it. Brains are so weird._

_Anyway, I felt the need to tell you about it. So there you go._

_I'd love to hear you play someday, I bet you're way better than you told me a while ago. I bet you are really good._

_I like to think we would have met some way or another. And I like to think we would have managed to keep talking. You certainly tried hard, you continued to write me even though I wouldn't reply. You didn't let me down like you say you usually do._

_I am glad you didn't._

_Harry .xx_

  


08 December 2016, 10:28 am

Subject: RE: My brain is weird.

Harry

I feel honoured to be the first one you want to tell your weird dream to. Because it's weird. Like really weird. And you have been dreaming of me. Cute.

I'm pretty sure I've got a dream interpretation book somewhere in my flat – don't ask where I got it from I have no idea. I might come back to you with that dream. I would tell you about mine but I literally don't remember it at all.

I couldn't let you go. First I was worried I had scared you off, then I was worried about _you_. I'm not angry you didn't reply, I understand why you chose not too, I just wish you had. And then you did, rather late but you did.

Thank you for your words but I'm really not that good with playing the piano. I'm getting there, slowly, but it's practice that brings you where you want to be, right?

xx Louis

  


_08 December 2016, 09:45 pm_

_Subject: -_

_Lou_

_It's been a weird day._

_It started with a weird dream, it continued with conversations I never thought I would have in my entire life and it ended with a breakup._

_You see, when I told you about my relationship with Dan, I thought I would be the one to end it somehow. I thought I would have this awkward, slightly embarrassing conversation about how it was all me and not him, and somehow I thought I would break his heart._

_Maybe I was a bit too full of myself, thinking that he was this depending on me, maybe I was egocentric._

_It doesn't matter now, though, because I'm glad I was wrong._

_In the end, he was the one to come up to me to tell me we didn't work out. We had only been together for two months and what, twenty days? I didn't think I would be sad. And I'm not. But I also never thought I would be happy, because at the end of the day I spent the last two months and twenty days with this man, and when it started I thought it would be for the long run. Not for a marathon maybe, but for more than just down the street, you know?_

_What I'm trying to say is that I'm okay. I'm weirdly okay, if not somewhat excited. Excited for the future, whatever that may be._

_Tell me, Louis, tell me why I'm excited._

_xx_

  


08 December 2016, 11:22 pm

Subject: RE: -

Change affects us. It makes us cry because we miss something, a person, a memory, or it leaves us smiling because we know something else is to come.

It's hanging on to the past or looking into the future. It's good on you not to mourn your loss but to hope for better in the future, more feelings, less spit – sorry –, there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone handles situations differently. And difference is good, or so I was told by some guy once.

I'll be going to sleep now, long day tomorrow. I'll be meeting my sisters girlfriend, which is a bit of a scary thought. (Can I give an eighteen year old girl the break-her-heart-and-I-break-your-bones-talk? Do I have to? My sister only ever had boyfriends before, somehow that was a lot easier.)

Louis xx

  


_09 December 2016, 12:19 am_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Goodnight Lou. Thank you. For all of this. I don't know why, but I felt the need to say it. Thank you thank you thank you._

_xxx_

_PS: I don't know???? Don't ask me that. Yes. No. Maybe?_

  


09 December 2016, 07:22 am

Subject: thanks for the help

H

I must say, you are really good with advice. Like wow. Let's see how this goes later.

(You're welcome. And thank you thank you thank you back, I really mean it. And I think I understand what you are trying to say.)

xx

  


_09 December 2016, 07:25 am_

_Subject: RE: thanks for the help_

_You're welcome. I know I'm good. Good luck and don't scare her away._

  


09 December 2016, 07:45 am

Subject: RE: thanks for the help

H, you have seen my face, do I really look like someone who could scare a teenager away? (Please say I don't.)

  


_09 December 2016, 08:01 am_

_Subject: RE: thanks for the help_

_You don't, you really don't. You're more like a tiny stuffed teddybear, perfect for hugs and cuddles. I bet kids love you._

  


09 December 2016, 08:05 am

Subject: RE: thanks for the help

Heyyyy I'm not tiny. Although kids do love me.

  


_09 December 2016, 08:10 am_

_Subject: RE: thanks for the help_

_But are you still good with hugs and cuddles?_

  


09 December 2016, 08:12 am

Subject: RE: thanks for the help

That's for the people I cuddled before to decide.

  


_09 December 2016, 08:20 am_

_Subject: RE: thanks for the help_

_I should call them and ask._

  


09 December 2016, 08:25 am

Subject: RE: thanks for the help

You do that while I get back to work. You're distracting.

  


_09 December 2016, 08:28 am_

_Subject: RE: thanks for the help_

_I will._

  


_09 December 2016, 09:49 pm_

_Subject: Update??_

_Louis, how did it go?_

  


09 December 2016, 10:12 pm

Subject: RE: Update??

It's not really over yet, we are at my mum's house all playing Scrabble together. I hate Scrabble. But she's really cute, and she and my sister are so good together. Ah, how beautiful it is to be young and in love.

  


_09 December 2016, 10:15 pm_

_Subject: RE: Update??_

_Louis, you_ are _young._

  


09 December 2016, 10:16 pm

Subject: RE: Update??

But I'm not in love.

  


_09 December 2016, 10:20 pm_

_Subject: RE: Update??_

_Right. By the way, how can you hate Scrabble? I've never been so offended in my entire life._

  


10 December 2016, 12:08 am

Subject: yeah right.

It's boring. And I'm not imaginative enough to come up with words, let alone place them the right way to earn more points, I hate it.

It's been so good to see my family again, though. All of my siblings are growing up so fast, it's weird to not be there with them as they grow up. That's what makes siblings siblings, isn't it? Growing up together, fighting, and building castles out of pillows and duvets, and stealing chocolate from the kitchen to eat together in bed at midnight when you're supposed to sleep.

I miss that, being a grown up is boring. There are taxes and bills to pay. Urgh. Tell me one thing that's good about being an adult.

xx Lou. - I kinda adapted that nickname, I like it.

  


_10 December 2016, 12:19 am_

_Subject: RE: yeah right._

_Sex. Sex is a great thing about being an adult. Among other things, but sex is really good._

_Who says you can't build a pillow castle when you're an adult?? I would build one with you right now if I could, and we could sneak chocolate in there and eat it together while telling ghost stories. It would be amazing._

_Lou. Lou Lou Lou. I like how it sounds when I say it. Lou. I'll teach you how to properly play Scrabble one day, Lou._

_xxx Harry._

  


10 December 2016, 12:25 am

Subject: RE: yeah right.

Harold, there is no point in being sneaky if there is no one to hide from. But it does sound great. A bed sticky with chocolate and a pillow castle with stale, hot air. Mhmmmm yes, perfect.

Oh right, sex. Sex is great, I have to admit. It's been way too long since I had a good shag, god I miss intimacy. I miss cuddling. I miss kissing.

One day. One day I'll have all of that and more.

Goodnight, Harry.

xxx

  


_10 December 2016, 12:27 am_

_Subject: -_

_Goodnight Louis._

  


_11 December 2016, 02:19 am_

_Subject: sorry_

_Lou_

_Are you awake? Probably not, why would you. I am. I can't sleep. I've been rolling around in bed for the last few hours and I can't get my mind to shut up. I don't even know why I'm writing you, but I have to give my brain something to do. I don't want you to be awake. I hope you are sleeping tight. Walking through your dreams._

  


11 December 2016, 02:21 am

Subject: RE: sorry

+44 7492817894 call me. But there are rules: 1) no talking, stay quiet. 2) just this one time, don't save my number, okay?

  


_11 December 2016, 02:22 am_

_Subject: RE: sorry_

_what???_

  


11 December 2016, 02:23 am

Subject: RE: sorry

just do it.

  


_11 December 2016, 02:45 am_

_Subject: Lou_

_Louis. Thank you so much. You're incredible. I wish I could hear more._

  


11 December 2016, 02:47 am

Subject: RE: Lou

Thanks. Some other time maybe. Maybe you can sleep now?

  


11 December 2016, 03:14 am

Subject: -

Goodnight Harry.

  


_11 December 2016, 09:06 am_

_Subject: Hiiiiiii_

_Good morning sunshine._

_Sunshine – is that too cheesy? Too much? It's just that every time I look at your picture I can't help but think that you are the sun, do you often laugh like that? I hope you do. It suits you. And I want you to be happy._

_Sorry if I'm being a bit weird today, but after hearing you play I slept like a baby. Best sleep in a long time. And I just woke up in this mood. Don't complain._

_I hope you have an amazing day, I know I will._

_xxxx Harry_

  


11 December 2016, 11:21 am

Subject: RE: Hiiiiiii

Well, I like to think I'm a person who laughs often. I like people who can make me laugh. But I don't think anyone has ever called me sunshine. It is a bit cheesy, let's be real. (Doesn't mean I don't like it!)

I am glad my piano skills could assist you in that way, I'm always happy to help.

And what exactly are you planning with your day now that you're in such a good mood? You should use it wisely.

xxx

  


_11 December 2016, 12:34 pm_

_Subject: RE: Hiiiiiii_

_I am, Lou. Right after I wrote you that email this morning I packed a few things together and took the next train to Brighton. One of my old friends lives here and he's letting me stay until tomorrow night, and since I don't have university on Monday I treated myself to two days near the sea._

_It's freezing outside – obviously – and the wind is biting my face and chapping my lips._

_Still, the fresh air and the sound of the waves calms my mind, and I've only really been here for a few minutes but I haven't felt this relaxed in a long time._

_xxx_

  


11 December 2016, 04:16 pm

Subject: don't make me jealous

Harry, this is not fair. While I'm glad that you're having a good time I can't help but get jealous, I'm in the desperate need of some time for myself. Even though I do, I have nothing but time for myself being as alone as I am, but I need to relaxe, I feel the need to distance myself from my life for a while. Just a few days.

Enjoy your two days. And relax a bit for me too, will you?

xx Louis

  


_11 December 2016, 10:57 pm_

_Subject: RE: don't make me jealous_

_Louis_

_You're not alone. I'm here with you. And I'm not going anywhere._

  


11 December 2016, 11:46 pm

Subject: RE: don't make me jealous

That's the thing, you are not.

You are with me when you write and you are in my head the whole time, but you're not _here._ You're not here when I read your words and I can't see your face when you read mine. I can't touch your skin or braid your hair, I don't know how much taller you are than me. And I want to know, I want you to really be here with me.

  


_12 December 2016, 12:02 am_

_Subject: please_

_Louis_

_I want that, too. God, I want that._

_But I'm scared. I'm scared if we meet and get to know each other nothing will be like it was before. What if you're not the person I think you are? What if we don't get along in person at all and what if it ruins everything?_

_I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you and if that means we should never meet than so be it. If it means I can keep you._

_This means way too much to me to give it up._

  


12 December 2016, 09:24 pm

Subject: RE: please

Okay, but what if it works? What if – and I really think we would – we get along just fine and it turns out even better than before? What if us being together in person is even better than just writing?

I don't want to be just that fantasy in your head. I want you to know who I really am, with all that I am. I'm here, if you are.

xx Louis

  


_13 December 2016, 08:13 pm_

_Subject: RE: please_

_Lou_

_Okay. I promise you, we will meet one day. One day in the future we'll go for a coffee or dinner or anything else, really, and we'll see each other, talk face to face. I'm looking forward to it, but that doesn't mean I'm not scared._

_And I am 5'11._

_xx_

  


13 December 2016, 09:50 pm

Subject: you and me both

Oh I'm scared too. I completely understand what you're talking about, I just think it would be worth a try.

But let's not rush it. We have all the time, don't we? Nothing pressuring us, we'll do it when the time feels right.

I've been Christmas shopping today. I love my family, but coming up with ideas for six siblings, a mum, a dad and a stepdad is a challenge every year. I think I managed quite well this time. And I got a haircut. Productive day today, I love it.

xx

  


_13 December 2016, 10:21 pm_

_Subject: RE: you and me both_

_Louis_

_Please tell me you didn't get rid of your fringe. I liked it a lot._

_How bad is it that I already got my Christmas shopping done in early November? I hate rushing it the last minute, since I never seem to come up with ideas then. I like planning._

_Harry xx_

  


13 December 2016, 10:49 pm

Subject: RE: you and me both

Don't worry, the fringe is still there. I just got it trimmed a bit, it started to fall in my eyes and the sides were getting too long for my liking. It looks just like the picture from six months ago.

Oh I wish I would do it that way. I'm actually surprised I managed to do the shopping this early in December, that's not the way it usually goes. Are you proud of me? I'm proud of myself.

Louis xx

  


_13 December 2016, 11:02 pm_

_Subject: RE: you and me both_

_Oh I'm very proud of you, well done._

_Goodnight Louis, sweet dreams._

_Harry xxx_

  


14 December 2016, 09:28 am

Subject: gooood morning H

Harry

I hope you had a good night? Good dreams?

I didn't. I woke up with a cold, or more than a cold, really. My head hurts and my nose runs and my voice is almost gone. It's been a long time since I felt this bad. How does this just happen over night? I hate it.

I'm counting on you to entertain me while I'm spending the day in bed. I don't feel like sleeping, and I'm bored. It's also been a long time since I was bored, but now I am.

Entertain me, Harry.

  


_14 December 2016, 10:00 am_

_Subject: RE: gooood morning H_

_Lucky for you my classes aren't until later. Watch a movie if your head is okay with that. Nothing against boredom like a cute Christmas movie snuggled into your blanket. Wait, lets watch a movie together. Tell me what you're in the mood for._

_xx_

  


14 December 2016, 10:12 am

Subject: RE gooood morning H

My head should be fine, I took some painkiller earlier. I don't know, but I let you know that I'm very well stocked on all kinds of Christmas movies, thanks to my sisters. What do you recommend?

 

_14 December 2016, 10:14 am_

_Subject: RE: gooood morning H_

_Well if you ask me I'm always a sucker for_ Love Actually _. My favourite movie, not only at Christmas time. It's not_ that _festive but it's cute._

  


14 December 2016, 10:20 am

Subject: RE: gooood morning H

Okay, let's watch that one, then. I'm ready when you are. How do we do this?

  


_14 December 2016, 10:21 am_

_Subject: RE: gooood morning H_

_We press play at exactly 10:30?_

  


14 December 2016, 10:22 am

Subject: RE: gooood morning H

let's see if I can manage to make tea in that time.

  


14 December 2016, 10:24 am

Subject: ugh

nope. I'm out of tea. I hate this

  


_14 December 2016, 10:25 am_

_Subject: RE: ugh_

_So you're a tea person then? How do you like your tea?_

  


14 December 2016, 10:28 am

Subject: RE: ugh

No sugar, milk. The only right way. Ready?

  


_14 December 2016, 10:29 am_

_Subject: RE ugh_

_Yes. Let's do this._

  


_14 December 2016, 10:48 am_

_Subject: -_

_I think my favourite couple is the prime minister and Natalie they're so cute._

  


_14 December 2016, 11:01 am_

_Subject: -_

_And I don't like her. She's a bit pushy._

  


_14 December 2016, 11:27 am_

_Subject: -_

_Lou? Are you still there?_

  


14 December 2016, 12:51 pm

Subject: RE: -

Ohhhh sorry I think I fell asleep about five minutes in, oops. Not really how it was supposed to go I'm sorry.

  


_14 December 2016, 01:09 pm_

_Subject: RE -_

_Well, it was suppposed to make you feel better and if sleep did that it worked out just fine. What's your address?_

  


14 December 2016, 01:12 pm

Subject: RE: -

wait, what?

  


_14 December 2016, 01:14 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_I'm not gonna do anything stupid I promise. Do you trust me?_

  


14 December 2016, 01:15 pm

Subject: RE -

I do, weirdly enough. _Tomlinson, 14 Bourley Street, London NW2 3HL._ What now?

  


14 December 2016, 01:47 pm

Subject: ?

Harry?

  


_14 December 2016, 01:59 pm_

_Subject: RE: ?_

_Open your door. It's okay._

  


14 December 2016, 02:04 pm

Subject: …

Harry... This is probably the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. Milk, no sugar, thank you thank you thank you. This is amazing.

  


_14 December 2016, 02:10 pm_

_Subject: RE: …_

_I'll be honest with you, standing in front of your door and knowing that you were just a few steps away from me, just a knock away from meeting you kind of messed with my head._

_If the tea is a bit cold, it's because I stood there too long. I hope the thermos flask is doing its job._

_You're very welcome. I hope I made you smile, and I hope you get yourself back into bed now with your tea and sleep some more. And I hope you'll feel better tomorrow morning._

_xxx Harry_

  


15 December 2016, 09:41 am

Subject: thank you

H, your tea has done wonders, I'm feeling a lot better today. I'll give you the thermos flask back when we meet one day, that's just one more excuse to do it as soon as possible, isn't it?

A part of me wishes you would have knocked and I would have opened. A part of me wishes I would have seen your face. It hurts a bit, knowing that you were so close and I had no idea.

But part of me is glad that you didn't. I looked like shit yesterday, sweaty and unshowered and sick, and I should make a good first impression, shouldn't I. And it wasn't the right time. So thank you for not knocking. I guess.

xx Louis

  


_15 December 2016, 08:20 pm_

_Subject: I hope this is okay_

_Louis_

_I'm about to tell you something._

_There's this idea in my head, and it's been there for a while, since way too early if you ask me. It scares me that it's there, and it scares me that I'm telling you about it now._

_We've been talking for exactly a hundred emails now, including this one. Too short, in my opinion, because there is so much more I want to tell you about, so much more I want to know. So I hope this doesn't change anything._

_The only reason you're getting to hear this, is because as I write I'm hiding behind my screen, I can take breaks in between and I can delete and rewrite again. I don't have to see your reaction. It's calming._

_Louis._

_Talking to you has me smiling at my screen, from the second I see your name in my inbox until way later. I miss you for the hours we are not writing, and I care so deeply about you._

_I don't know if this is just me projecting my feelings on a person only existing in my head, but I honestly don't think it is. It's you, the real you._

_I love you, Louis._

_I don't know why, and I don't know how, but I do._

_I don't ever want to let go, of you, of this. Writing this down freaks me out, but it's okay because as I write this you have no idea, you only do when I hit send._

_Which I'm about to do._

_Don't make this a reason to let me go. Please. You mean so much to me._

_Harry_

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so so much for all of your lovely comments, they really keep me going.  
> Louis' address is completely fictional but feel free to call or text his number with love and support for H and L, I know some bears who would be lucky to read them.  
>  this  is the picture Louis took on Harry's phone, and  this  is the one Harry send Louis.


	3. Third

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii I hope you enjoy. <3  
> there's mention of alcohol in this chapter and the closest this will get to smut

**Third**

  
  


16 December 2016, 09:30 pm

Subject: RE: I hope this is okay

Harry.

Oh Harry.

I don't know where to start. Probably by saying that, no, I would never let this be a reason to let you go. Next thing I could say is that reading your words, over and over again, made me cry.

I spent a good half of the last night in tears as I got lost in your feelings. And in mine. It's safe to say that I love you too.

But where does this take us? Because when I say I love you I know I shouldn't. I shouldn't because it's not supposed to work like that.

And I read over your words again, and the more I do the more I'm left in confusion, lost somehow. You say you love me. You say you care about me, you say you miss me.

Remember when I told you about Clara? My first and only girlfriend. I said I loved her. And I did. And I said I wasn't _in_ love with her. Are you? Harry, you say you love me but are you in love with me? I need to know. I need to know where this takes us because if I don't I'm scared I might lose myself.

Louis xx

  
  


_16 December 2016, 10:12 pm_

_Subject: RE: I hope this is okay_

_Louis_

_I'm not lying to you when I say that I don't know. I sincerely and honestly don't know what exactly it is I'm feeling for you._

_There's this unsettling nerve in my stomach, butterflies tickling whenever I think of you. It's like I'm fifteen all over again. At the same time I remember I don't actually know how to act around you. I can't flirt with you face to face and I can't feel the tension in the air between us because there's no air that surrounds us both._

_Is it too much to say I have a crush on you, or is it too much to say I'm in love with you? I think it is. I don't know. I'm sorry, but I don't know where this takes us. I'm equally scared and excited._

_We're in this together. You and I._

_xx Harry_

  
  


16 December 2016, 10:51 pm

Subject: RE: I hope this is okay

I can work with that. We can work with that, or we need to. We'll work around all of our uncertainties and insecurities, we'll figure out what and where exactly we are. There's no rush, we have all the time we want.

This doesn't have to change anything. It can, if we want it to, but at the end of the day it's just the two of us in front of our screens, just like the days and weeks before.

Thank you, for being honest with me. I feel like that's the only way this can work, if we tell each other just how invested we are in this. We need to be honest, so thank you, for being just that.

Louis xx

  
  


_16 December 2016, 11:38 pm_

_Subject: RE: I hope this is okay_

_You're right. This is a good thing, nothing to be scared of or run away from. It's our thing, and we will make it work. I don't think you understand how relieved I am I'm not alone in this, writing that email took me a while and even longer to press send._

_You're here with me. I'm here with you. Together, and we'll figure all of the rest out when the time comes._

_Goodnight Lou, sleep well._

_xxx_

  
  


16 December 2016, 11:41 pm

Subject: RE: I hope this is okay

Goodnight Harry.

  
  


_17 December 2016, 09:34 am_

_Subject: good morning_

_Good morning Lou._

_I'm on my way to visit my family, it's been too long. My sister is already there and I'm hoping for a weekend filled with Christmas cookies, and hot chocolate, and Scrabble, because yes, my family loves Scrabble._

_For the first time in my twenty-two years of living I won't be spending Christmas with my mum, she and my stepdad are planning on spending the days in the south of Spain, the lucky ones._

_It will be just me and my sister, which sounds kind of lonely but will probably be just as good as usual. She is great. You would love her._

_So now the four of us are kind-of-celebrating Christmas early, some good quality family time one week ahead of everyone else._

_I hope you have a great Saturday._

_xxx Harry_

  
  


17 December 2016, 12:19 pm

Subject: RE: good morning

Reading this kind of makes me miss my family. Enjoy your time with them. I'll just get some of the work done that's been piling up _,_ which will probably take the whole weekend. I'm glad you'll have more fun.

xx

  
  


_19 December 2016, 04:03 am_

_Subject: Louis Lou Lou_

_Lou_

_I'm drunk. Or I've been drunk the whole night and now I'm only slightly drunk. A bit drunk. Drunk enough to write. Not drunk enough to write like I'm drunk. I'm not making sense. Am I making sense, Lou?_

_No university on Mondays, remember? It's Sunday night or Monday morning and I'm drunk. My sister is drunk, too. We've been out, my sister and I. We danced, and we drank, a bit too much maybe, and she went to the toilet with some guy. Ew, I don't want to think about it. She's my sister._

_Lou. There was a guy who wanted me to go home with him. He was pretty. Really handsome. Warm brown eyes and a pretty mouth. I bet he gives great blowjobs._

_I didn't go home with him. I danced some more and I drank some more and I went home alone._

_I miss you, Lou. And I'm drunk, Lou. And I'm lonely. Don't be drunk and lonely. It doesn't feel good. Not at all._

_Goodnight Lou. I wish you the sweetest of dreams. Sweet like chocolate. I'm not making sense. I'm drunk._

_xxxxxxxxx Harry_

  
  


19 December 2016, 07:21 am

Subject: RE: Louis Lou Lou

Harry

Now this might be a stretch, but I think you were drunk last night. Could that be?

You are astonishingly articulate when you're drunk. No typos, I'm impressed. You should read my texts to my friends when I had too much to drink.

How bad is it that I'm kind of glad you didn't go home with that guy? I'm sorry if this means you missed out on a great blowjob but at the same time I can't say I am. I would have been jealous.

Not of the guy blowing you – let's stop talking about blowjobs I have to go to work in a few minutes – but of you being with someone else. I'm weirdly possessive over you. I'm not making sense. And I'm not even drunk.

Now sleep some more, take painkillers when you wake up and remember to drink loads. Take care, Harry.

xx

  
  


_19 December 2016, 01:19 pm_

_Subject: whyyy_

_My head hurts. Of course it does. I don't even remember writing you, this is bad. Remind me to never drink this much ever again. Ugh._

_I'll take the train back home now and then I'll sleep some more. I'll talk to you when my head doesn't try to kill me anymore._

_xx_

  
  


19 December 2016, 05:48 pm

Subject: RE: whyyy

Oh Harry. You weird, weird, lovely person. Let me give you a kiss on the forehead and tuck you into your bed. There. Now go sleep.

xxx

  
  


_20 December 2016, 09:23 am_

_Subject: -_

_Louis – thank you, I'm feeling much better._

_I've been awake for a few hours already. No university until after New Years but I've got so much work to do and papers to write._

_Usually I work a few hours a week for my professor as an assistant, but as I just found out I won't be able to anymore in January. Which means I have to find a new job in the next ten days that pays enough, and right now I'm so done with everything. I thought Christmas was supposed to be a time to relaxe._

_Don't listen to me complaining, it's just one of these days where everything feels wrong._

_xx_

  
  


20 December 2016, 11:39 am

Subject: RE: -

Harry

Take the time you need to relax. A shower, a nap, a deep breath, music, exercise, whatever it is, take the time. You'll be more productive afterwards.

Tell me what I can do to help.

  
  


_20 December 2016, 07:09 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Can you play the piano for me again?_

  
  


20 December 2016, 07:12 pm

Subject: RE: -

Call me in ten?

  
  


_20 December 2016, 07:35 pm_

_Subject: thank you_

_Lou – that was so beautiful, just like the last time. I'm excited for the day I'll get to hear you play in person._

  
  


20 December 2016, 07:36 pm

Subject: RE: thank you

hopefully it won't be too far in the future.

  
  


_20 December 2016, 07:40 pm_

_Subject: RE: thank you_

_hopefully._

  
  


_21 December 2016, 09:11 pm_

_Subject: -_

_Lou_

_Do you remember when I told you about my breakup with Dan? Of course you do, it's not even been two weeks. It feels like months, though._

_I told you how he was the one to end things but I didn't tell you what he said. So I'll do that now._

“ _You would rather tell your Louis about your day than me,” he said. And he was right. “I never managed to make you smile the way he does.” And he was right. “There's just one thing you don't understand. I'm here and he's not. Don't let the people around you go because you're fixed on some kind of relationship that's not even real.” And he wasn't right._

_He wasn't right because even if you are not with me in person at the same time you kind of are. Why do people forget that these kind of relationships exist? He wouldn't have said that to a person in a long distance relationship, right?_

_We might not be anything people consider normal, and quite obviously a lot of them don't understand, but we are here, you and I._

_My roommate might be one of the only people who understands, but even he is raising his eyebrows from time to time. Whenever you come up in conversation – which happens quite a lot to be honest – he is pushing me to finally meet you. It doesn't matter how often I tell him that that's not how it works, how we work. But he's right somehow, I think agreeing on a date to meet would only be beneficial for us._

_That way we don't have to be scared of the unknown anymore, since we know exactly when and where we will meet. It gives us both time to prepare and be sure of the situation. What do you say?_

_xxx Harry_

  
  


21 December 2016, 10:26 pm

Subject: RE: -

Harry

Okay. Okay, let's try and do it that way. We can agree on a date to meet, but let's not forget that we said we wanted to give it some time.

14 January. It's twenty-five days from now, enough time to mentally prepare ourselves, right? It's a Saturday. We can meet at mine, go out for dinner maybe. Somewhere where we can talk, talk to get to know each other better. Or not each other, but the others presence.

Are you free on that weekend? We can obviously work around the date but the timespan seems good to me.

Say your roommate I said Hi. What's his name?

Louis xx

  
  


_21 December 2016, 11:02 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_His name is Niall. Best friend since we were ten. He's irish. My little leprechaun. I love him a lot._

_14 January. Okay. We'll agree on time and place when we get a bit closer to the day, alright? Let me tell Niall. He'll be over the moon. (And so am I, to be honest.)_

_xxx Harry_

  
  


22 December 2016, 08:23 pm

Subject: Hello

Hi.

This is Liam. I don't know if you now who I am, so let me introduce myself. I'm Louis' best friend. I don't know if this is really weird, I'm sorry if it is.

Louis is currently in the shower, and he left his phone with your last email open on the sofa. I didn't mean to read but I did, I'm sorry. I guess I just want to say thank you? He's been through a bit of a rough time the last few months, and you never seem to fail to put a smile on his face. Take care of him. Please.

Please don't tell him I wrote you, or do, I feel a bit bad for doing this behind his back. But he probably won't know if you don't tell him, so it's all up to you.

I guess I still don't fully understand the thing between you two but you seem to make it work, so I'll stop giving Louis a hard time for it. You are good for him.

Again, sorry for writing in the first place, this is a bit inappropiate. But it's very nice to meet you, Harry.

Liam

  
  


22 December 2016, 08:50 pm

Subject: RE: -

Does he drink a lot of beer? Does he bring you luck? Those are the important questions. And yes, we'll figure time and place out later. Still twenty-three days to go.

xx

  
  


_22 December 2016, 09:19 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_I hoping for a everyday countdown from your side. Twenty-three, twenty-three, twenty-three._

_Goodnight Louis. I'm going for an early night today, the last few days have been exhausting. My sister is coming over the day after tomorrow – did you know there is a word for that?_ Overmorrow _, sounds pretty stupid if you ask me – even though it's only been three days since I last saw her. Not that I'm complaining, I love her and I'm excited for the few days we will have._

_Niall is flying to Ireland tomorrow morning to visit his family over Christmas, so for the first time in what feels like forever I'll have the flat to myself for a whole of twenty-five hours. So much time, so much responsibility. What shall I do with all of that time alone? I'll probably just sleep and have a good wank, let's be real._

_Anyway, goodnight Louis._

_Harry xxx_

  
  


22 December 2016, 11:51 pm

Subject: whaaat

Overmorrow. I can't believe I have never heard of that. Is there a word for the day before yesterday, too? I could just google it but I'm counting on you to enlighten me here.

Enjoy your wank – I can't believe I just said that – and whatever you'll be doing the rest of the day. I love living alone. It's wank time whenever I want, wherever I want, and how loud I want. Too much information? I guess.

Goodnight Harry, sweet dreams.

xx Louis

  
  


_23 December 2016, 09:22 pm_

_Subject: RE: whaaat_

_Ereyesterday. Even worse if you ask me._

_Thank you, I did. And you enjoy the rest of you being twenty-four._

_xx_

  
  


_24 December 2016, 12:02 am_

_Subject: Haaaaappy Birthday Louuu_

_Louis Lou Lou_

_It's your birthday. It's officially your birthday and you're now twenty-five. You old, old man. I wish you all the luck, and love, and happiness possible, and everything you have wished for to come true._

_In 126 emails between the both of us you have made me incredibly happy and I am so, so glad you were the one to find my phone that day._

_I said it before and I'll say it again, I love you, Lou._

_I love you and I hope you have an amazing day._

_Harry xxxxxx_

  
  


24 December 2016, 08:11 am

Subject: RE: Haaaaappy Birthday Louuu

Thank you xxxx.

Unfourtunately I am already awake, shouldn't I be allowed to sleep in on my birthday?? My friends don't seem to think so, they've been calling and knocking on my door since bloody 7:30.

But they're throwing a party for me later today, so I guess I shouldn't complain. And Liam even promised to drive me up to my family tonight if I drink too much – or anything at all, which I will – since I told my mum and sisters I'd be there when they wake up. I love that guy.

And I love you. I thought I should clarify. Enjoy the time with your sister.

xxx Louis

PS: twenty-one.

  
  


25 December 2016, 01:42 am

Subject: Harrryy

Harrrh I'm reaally drunk. Like reallr fukcing drunk.

  
  


25 December 2016, 01:44 am

Subject: Harrolds

Didd uou leave a psresent forr me?? fusk I loev you

  
  


25 December 2016, 04:12 am

Subject: oops

Ehrm. Sorry, I guess? Let me translate what I was trying to say. “Harry, I'm really drunk. Like really fucking drunk.” I think you've figured that much. “Did you leave a present for me? Fuck I love you.” And I really, really do. When did you manage to do that??

I found it on the doorstep just like I found the tea a while ago, or Liam found it. And it's been a while since I last got a mixtape, it's a shame it's not really a thing anymore. I'll listen to it tomorrow first thing in the morning, thank you so, so much.

I am now safe and sound in Liam's car – God bless that guy and his lonely kidney which prevents him from drinking – and the alcohol still in my body is trying to kill me with a headache. I'll try to sleep for the three hours I have.

Goodnight Harry. And Merry Christmas. Twenty.

xxxx Louis

  
  


_25 December 2016, 09:47 am_

_Subject: RE: oops_

_You are very welcome. I wasn't sure if showing up on your doorstep uninvited once more was overstepping some kind of boundary, but I'm glad I did it if it makes you happy._

_Merry Christmas to you too, Louis._

_xxx_

  
  


25 December 2016, 11:31 pm

Subject: -

Harry

It's only been two weeks since I last saw my siblings, but somehow all of them manged to grow a bit. The twins – the older ones – are twelve, almost thirteen, and they grow like crazy. The little ones are starting to talk a lot, they've been more on the quiet side before.

It's just mindblowing to see all of my siblings grow, and it's so good to be home for a few days. There's food I don't have to cook myself and I'll never get too old for hugs and cuddles with my mum. You can tell I'm a big family person.

My oldest sister, Lottie, is asking how you are. How are you, Harry? How was Christmas for you? Did you have fun? I hope so. I had fun.

My younger siblings are all in bed and now it's just my mum, Lottie, and I. We're having a girls night. There's something on my face that's supposed to deeply moisturize, I braided Lottie's hair and we're talking about everything and nothing. I'll better get back to that now.

Goodnight, Harry.

xxx Louis

  
  


_26 December 2016, 12:01 am_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Lou_

_Tell Lottie I'm good, thanks. I had a great Christmas, lots of food and all of that. Goodnight, Louis, sweet dreams._

_Harry xxx_

  
  


_26 December 2016, 10:42 am_

_Subject: Louissss_

_Good morning Louis._

_Don't you just love the days between Christmas and New Years? How it's a mixture between the rest of Christmas and the excitement for what's to come, in the next days, in the new year. There's none of the hectic you have the days before the 25 th, everything is calm and quiet. Or that's what it feels like to me, at least. It's a shame they go by so fast. _

_Lou. Nineteen. And Gemma says Hi._

_Harry xx_

  
  


26 December 2016, 11:03 am

Subject: RE: Louissss

I'm assuming Gemma is your sister? Of course she is. Anyway. I hope you're only telling her good things about me.

Nineteen, Harry. Nineteen more days. I don't know if I want them to go by fast or slow.

What have you planned on New Years? Are you a party person? A sitting-home-alone-with-alcohol-person? A sleeping-the-night-through-person? I need to know these things about you. So tell me, please.

xx

  
  


_26 December 2016, 10:29 pm_

_Subject: -_

_I'm a with-a-few-close-friends-and-a-movie-person. Some champagne. Watching the fireworks from the balcony. No New Years Eve kiss. Sad. Or maybe not. I'm not really emotionally available for just a random kiss or random night, I think._

_Doesn't mean I wouldn't want one, though. Maybe I wouldn't be this lonely that night, then. Isn't it ridiculous? It's not even been three weeks since my last relationship ended. But here I am, lying in bed alone and wishing for something new. For someone new. Not anyone, though._

_xxx_

  
  


26 December 2016, 10:45 pm

Subject: RE: -

You have a balcony?? Siiiick. I want one.

  
  


_26 December 2016, 10:51 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_I think you missed my point._

  
  


26 December 2016, 10:54 pm

Subject: RE: -

No I didn't.

  
  


_26 December 2016, 10:56 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_But you ignored it._

  
  


26 December 2016, 11:15 pm

Subject: RE: -

Two different things, Harry, two different things.

I would lie if I said I never thought the same thing. I've been there. Especially the last few days.

Wishing you were there with me. Or no, let me rephrase that. Wishing I knew how it would be to have you beside me.

I wish I would knew what it's like to lie next to you, how your arms feel around me. God I wish I knew how you smell and how your lips would feel on mine.

Because this is apparently where we are now.

I've fallen for you, Harry, fast and hard. Really fast, I know. I'm imagining what your presence feels like, because that's all I can do. And I hope I'm right, because in my head the both of us fit like puzzle pieces. Big spoon or little spoon?

xxx

  
  


_26 December 2016, 11:20 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Little spoon._

_It doesn't help, though, imagining it. It doesn't help against the ache I feel in my body screaming out to touch you. It doesn't help that I wish you were here when you aren't. And I want that._

_I want you to be here, I want to cuddle you, and I want to kiss you, and I want to have sex with you. And I hope this isn't just a thing I have to wish forever for, because there's still that voice in my head_ 'What if it doesn't work, what if you don't fit, what if you can't stand each other in person.'

_And I'm a bit lost._

  
  


26 December 2016, 11:30 pm

Subject: RE: -

You know what? _What if_ can fuck right off. Yeah, what if, but what if not? There's nothing we can do besides seeing what happens, nineteen days Harry, nineteen days.

And this is not a one sided thing, we're both here, we're in this together. So whatever happens is inevitable. Because I'm not going to sit here and miss out on what could be one of the best things just because I'm scared. And I know you won't either.

Let's be scared together. But let's not give _what if_ too much space.

xxx

  
  


_26 December 2016, 11:42 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Okay. Nineteen more days of lying in bed, somewhat sleepless, waiting for the one thing to happen. Won't stop me from imagining you were here, though..._

  
  


26 December 2016, 11:44 pm

Subject: RE: -

wouldn't want you to.

  
  


_26 December 2016, 11:46 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_If you were here with me now … would you let me fuck you?_

  
  


_27 December 2016, 12:06 am_

_Subject: …_

_Sorry if that was … too much or weird or whatever._

  
  


27 December 2016, 12:08 am

Subject: RE: …

No Harry, not too much. I was just a bit … occupied if you get what I'm saying.

  
  


_27 December 2016, 12:10 am_

_Subject: RE: …_

_So would you?_

  
  


27 December 2016, 12:11 am

Subject: RE: …

I would. Oh yes I would. God, Harry, please. Please fuck me.

  
  


_27 December 2016, 12:12 am_

_Subject: RE: …_

_Mhmmm. I think I'd like that._

  
  


27 December 2016, 12:14 am

Subject: RE: …

I know I would... Me lying on my back with your body leaning over me... Fuck Harry, I need to know what your skin feels like

  
  


_27 December 2016, 12:19 am_

_Subject: RE: …_

_Eighteen days Lou._

  
  


27 December 2016, 12:20 am

Subject: RE: …

Eighteen days.

  
  


27 December 2016, 08:31 am

Subject: good morninggg

Good morning H. Did you sleep well? I did. Peacefully.

I never got to really thank you for my birthday present. I love the songs. Been listening to them for the last few days on repeat, I hope my neighbour enjoys it as much as I do. I had no complains so far, which definitely speaks for your music taste. I'm usually more of a charts person, though, it's a nice change for once.

So thank you. So much.

xxx

  
  


_27 December 2016, 08:51 am_

_Subject: RE: good morninggg_

_I must say, I like your ability to go from_ 'Fuck me Harry' _to_ 'thanks for my birthday present' _in the span of two emails. It's just so easy with us, isn't it?_

_I said it before, but you're welcome. I'm glad I made you happy._

_Lou. Eighteen days. Somehow I think it would be easier if we could just meet tomorrow but then again the waiting will be worth it in the end, right? The anticipation is only building up and the more days go by the more I feel comfortable in the situation. Calmer, more relaxed. We're making this work, and I'm so proud of us for doing so._

_xxx_

  
  


27 December 2016, 09:10 am

Subject: RE: good morninggg

Well, I have a gift.

I know. I thought about it since the minute I woke up, technically we could meet in a few hours, it would be so easy, so simple. But as much as I want to see you, touch you, hear you, knowing we have planned this and knowing just exactly when it will happen gives me the feeling I can at least control a tiny bit of the situation. Everything else seems to be out of our hands, nothing we can do.

Just the one thing. Planning when it will happen. Eighteen days.

xx

  
  


_27 December 2016, 05:29 pm_

_Subject: help pls_

_There's a bird in my bedroom. Help. It's scared and flying against walls and I can't reach the window to open it further because I don't really fancy a bird's beak in my face. Help Lou_

  
  


27 December 2016, 05:35 pm

Subject: RE: help pls

Now what exactly makes you think I'm some kind of expert on that matter. Because I'm not. I don't know???

  
  


_27 December 2016, 05:40 pm_

_Subject: RE: help pls_

_Okay, crisis averted. I named him Louis like Lewis and he's now back out in the wild. It's cold outside. Poor Lewis._

  
  


27 December 2016, 05:42 pm

Subject: RE: help pls

Lewis, I'm flattered. How do you know it's a boy, though.

  
  


_27 December 2016, 05:45 pm_

_Subject: RE: help pls_

_I decided. I don't think he cares too much. Although it's just a name, a name doesn't make someone's gender. Or somebirds. Anyway, now there's a bird somewhere out there named after you – or in loving memory of the time I called you Lewis in my head. The sun was shining outside and I was thinking,_ 'Oh thank God Lewis has found my phone' _or_ 'hm, this Lewis is a really nice guy'. _Good times, good times._

_I still think those thoughts, though now it's cold outside and you're Louis like Louie. Lou. My Lou. My Lou in my phone, and I'm still thankful you found it that day._

_xxx_

  
  


27 December 2016, 06:03 pm

Subject: RE: help pls

Yeah look where we are now. Makes you wonder how the world will look in another six months time, doesn't it? Changing, always changing.

Back to the time when I was Lewis and you were the guy with a tree saved as his lockscreen, back then Lewis the bird was still free out there, nameless, had never seen the inside of your flat and was just minding his bird-business. Now he's Lewis and I'm Louis, and now it's my turn to see the inside of your flat. Soon.

xxx

  
  


_27 December 2016, 06:29 pm_

_Subject: Louis Lewis_

_I don't know your middle name. I said_ 'I love you' _but I don't know your middle name._

_Let me introduce myself. Hi, I'm Harry Edward Styles, and I love you. Louis like Louie and not Lewis the bird._

_It's nice to meet you._

  
  


27 December 2016, 06:35 pm

Subject: RE: Louis Lewis

William. Louis William Tomlinson. Edward and William, hah. Can you imagine? Ed and Will. Eddie and Willy. You would call me Willy. I know you would.

Now that we're back to getting to know each other, let me ask the real questions. Middle names are lame.

How do you like your eggs in the morning? (No gay innuendo intended, although, how _do_ you like your eggs in the morning?) Tea or coffee? Breakfast or dinner?

  
  


_27 December 2016, 06:51 pm_

_Subject: RE: Louis Lewis_

_Oh I would so call you Willy._

_And what are you talking about, we're getting to know each other the whole time. Everyday, constantly._

_No eggs in the morning (I don't have anything against_ those _kind of eggs in the morning, or anytime, really), coffee, both. I like food._

 _Yesterday night. Do you know how close I was to calling you? I didn't because I know we agreed not to but it was a close call. I wanted to hear your voice so bad, I wanted to hear_ you _._

  
  


27 December 2016, 07:03 pm

Subject: RE: Louis Lewis

I'm taking you out to dinner one day. All romantic and shit. A proper date.

  
  


_27 December 2016, 07:12 pm_

_Subject: RE: Louis Lewis_

_Please._

_Is the fact that I have four nipples anything I should tell you when I just learned your middle name? Or is that more of a second or third date topic?_

  
  


27 December 2016, 07:15 pm

Subject: RE: Louis Lewis

Oh, I don't think we conform to the standard dating rules. Just yesterday I asked you to fuck me, I think we're kinda passed that point. But four nipples, woah. I'll have to see them in person.

I have quite a few tattoos on my right arm. Got them in university. Good thing my boss doesn't mind, my mum always told me not everyone would approve of a big fat bird on my lower arm.

  
  


_27 December 2016, 07:43 pm_

_Subject: RE: Louis Lewis_

_Oh, I have a few tattoos as well. Small doodles I got with my friends. I really want some bigger pieces but I'm not sure what to get._

_I'm gonna go and find something to eat now. Goodnight, Lou, if we don't write any more before we go to bed. Sweet dreams._

_xxx_

  
  


27 December 2016, 08:02 pm

Subject: RE: Louis Lewis

Well I'm not going to sleep at eight pm. Are you?? But food sounds good, right, I should probably eat dinner.

  
  


27 December 2016, 08:19 pm

Subject: fooood

I made myself some pizza. I love pizza. My favourite.

  
  


27 December 2016, 09:31 pm

Subject: harrryyy

Do you know any good TV shows to watch? M bored.

  
  


27 December 2016, 10:02 pm

Subject: -

Please don't tell me you've fallen asleep in your food. Are you still here??

  
  


27 December 2016, 10:41 pm

Subject: -

I hate living in London sometimes. There are like a dozen police cars driving down my street right now. Ugh.

  
  


27 December 2016, 11:01 pm

Subject: -

Goodnight, Harry.

  
  


_28 December 2016, 06:01 am_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Rise and shine Louis. Good morning, good morning. Isn't it just a beautiful day._

_Not really. I got so much work to do today I just want to crawl back under my duvet. But early bird gets the worm, right? Hah. I love a good gay innuendo._

_And thanks for your concern, I did not fall asleep in my food. I did once as a child, though. Face-forward right into the pasta. Lovely._

_I did fall asleep shortly after, though, hence the early morning. I'm gonna go make some breakfast._

_Good morning. Seventeen days._

_xxx_

  
  


28 December 2016, 07:18 am

Subject: RE: -

Is that snow outside the window? It's snowing Harry. Actual snow. I don't know if that makes me happy or gives me another reason to complain. I'm not awake enough for that.

Seventeen days Harry. I hope you get all of your work done on this seventeen-days-before day.

Lou xxx

  
  


_28 December 2016, 09:13 am_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Real snow. Wow._

_In after-seventeen-days will you go ice skating with me?_

  
  


28 December 2016, 10:34 am

Subject: RE: -

Now we have dinner and ice skating. What else?

  
  


_28 December 2016, 10:51 am_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Movie night. And I promised you coffee a while back, remember? Or tea._

  
  


28 December 2016, 11:29 am

Subject: RE: -

A day trip down to the sea. Somewhere close to the beach. So we can hear the waves.

  
  


_28 December 2016, 11:30 am_

_Subject: RE: -_

_I'd love that._

  
  


28 December 2016, 11:48 am

Subject: RE: -

It's settled then. Dinner, ice skating, movies, coffee, the sea. And lots of cuddling? I like cuddling. And kissing. Sex?

  
  


_28 December 2016, 11:50 am_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Lots of sex. And everything else._

  
  


28 December 2016, 11:52 am

Subject: RE: -

Can't wait. xxx

  
  


28 December 2016, 09:28 pm

Subject: haarrry

Harry. Let me braid your hair.

  
  


_28 December 2016, 09:41 pm_

_Subject: RE: haarrry_

_I think we already established I'll let you?_

  
  


28 December 2016, 09:53 pm

Subject: RE: haarrry

I know. I just had to ask again. To clarify it will actually happen.

  
  


_28 December 2016, 10:01 pm_

_Subject: RE: haarrry_

_It will. Goodnight Louis. xxxx_

  
  


28 December 2016, 10:01 pm

Subject: RE: haarrry

Goodnight. xxx

  
  


_29 December 2016, 08:19 am_

_Subject: -_

_Do you wear glasses?_

  
  


29 December 2016, 08:30 am

Subject: RE: -

What? No. I had clear ones when I was nineteen, thought they looked good. They didn't. But I don't need them. Why??

  
  


_29 December 2016, 08:35 am_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Completely irrelevant. I'm just trying to picture what it would be like to wake up next to you. If you would wear glasses in the morning before you switch to contact lenses. I'm not sure what my thought process was here._

  
  


29 December 2016, 08:59 am

Subject: RE: -

Alright, haha. Well I don't. But if you need other things to picture, I sleep in boxer briefs so I like the room to be warm, and I've heard people say I have a great bum. My hair is a mess in the morning. There. Good morning.

  
  


_29 December 2016, 09:15 am_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Well I like to sleep naked._

  
  


29 December 2016, 09:21 am

Subject: RE: -

I have things to do Harry

  
  


_29 December 2016, 09:29 am_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Me too. Doesn't mean I don't like to imagine what you look like in only boxer briefs. Mhmm. I'm a bum-person._

  
  


29 December 2016, 09:31 am

Subject: RE: -

HARRY.

  
  


_29 December 2016, 09:33 am_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Sixteen days._

  
  


_30 December 2016, 09:12 pm_

_Subject: being honest_

_Louis._

_I just remembered something. It's not really a big deal but I feel like being completely honest with you and not telling you about it feels kind of wrong._

_Liam wrote me about a week ago from your phone, I'm not sure if he told you. He basically just thanked me and he seemed like a sweet guy, and since you two are best friends I figured you wouldn't mind. Which I hope you don't._

_I remembered because Niall said a similar thing to me just now, something along the lines of how he wants to meet you and give you a hug. Niall is a big hugger. He hugs literally everyone. Gives great cuddles, too._

_Anyway, it gave me an idea for date number-whatever, after fifteen days and a bit/or a lot/whatever (Fifteen days!) we should go for a drink with Niall and Liam. Niall really wants to meet you. (Shh Niall it's my turn first. Go away.)_

_xxx_

  
  


30 December 2016, 10:03 pm

Subject: RE: being honest

No, Liam didn't tell me about it, that little shit. Not that I really care, he's like best friends with my mum and my sisters, and has met all of my coworkers. He likes to talk to all of my friends and they seem to like him back, so it's only fair you've 'met' him, too. I kinda suspected it to happen.

Yes. Let's see if Niall's hugs and cuddles are as good as you say. (Is he queer by any chance? Liam is single and looking. He needs to get laid like yesterday.)

xx Louis

  
  


_30 December 2016, 10:12 pm_

_Subject: RE: being honest_

_He is, actually. But unfourtunately he's not single, he has this really cute girlfriend. Sadly. Or not, good for them. Not good for my sleep._

_But I'm a great matchmaker. I'll find Liam the perfect person as soon as I meet him, promise. I got lots of friends._

  
  


30 December 2016, 10:26 pm

Subject: RE: being honest

Okay, Liam and I are gonna count on you, you with your many friends.

Goodnight. xxx

  
  


_30 December 2016, 10:31 pm_

_Subject: RE: being honest_

_Goodnight, Lou._

  
  


_31 December 2016, 05:03 pm_

_Subject: ???!!_

_Lou. Lou Lou Lou Louis._

_First of all, wow. Wow to your eyes and your smile and the crinkles around your eyes when you laugh. Wow to everything that is you._

_I know you've seen me too. How could you not when you froze in the middle of your conversation. And if that wasn't indication enough, the way you turned around and ran makes it pretty clear you recognised me._

_You ran, Lou. Why did you ran?_

_I know why you did. I maybe would have done the same thing if my legs had worked. But they didn't so all I could do was stare._

_You ran. I need to know your reasons. Can you give them to me? I need to know if you ran from me, from us. I hope you didn't._

_So close. You were only a few steps away, a few steps closer and I could have reached out, could have felt your skin under my fingertips._

_I was scared. I was so scared before, even in the last few days when I told myself I was more excited than anxious. But it was there, you know? It was there, between us. It wasn't wrong or weird or unfamiliar. It was there, you were there, the same_ you _I know._

_Kind of ridiculous how someone I've never met before can be familiar. Now I only want more. I want to know all the little stupid things you do in your daily life, your habits and everything else. We haven't even talked, but I want more._

_But you ran._

_Why did you run, Lou?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next (and last) chapter should be up by friday night, hopefully. thanks for reading and commenting and all of that. <33 (and nothing against Louis and his glasses I think he looks great.)


	4. Fourth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the last one, enjoy :)

**Fourth**

  
  


31 December 2016, 10:04 pm

Subject: RE: ???!!

Harry.

I don't think I have to explain myself. I'm sure you already know the answer. Of course you do. At the same time I know I need to give you my version of events, my thoughts and feelings, because that's what we do. We share, and we're honest. That's how we work. That is _us_.

I didn't run. Or yes, I did. Obviously. But I didn't choose to. I was out of the door before I was even able to form a coherent thought, something that wasn't _oh shit oh shit, wow, oh shit, he's – oh god wow, what is this, oh shit, what is happening, why_.

I had two options in that moment. I could have gone up to you, said Hi, and we could have talked or I could have run.

Now, I don't even want to imagine what I would have said to you if I had chosen to go talk to you. Chances are high I would have just screamed at your face. Which, not exactly the impression I wanted to leave. So I ran. My body did. I made the descision without even thinking it through properly, I left Liam standing alone in that shop and I only made it around the corner before I wanted to turn around and go back.

This is what we were always scared of, right? Meeting in a situation we wouldn't be able to control, meeting without being ready. You surprised me today. You surprised me with your presence and how breathtakingly beautiful you are in person, you somehow surprised me with being a real person.

It was a fly or fight situation. Fight, and challenge my fears or run, run from the situation and run from you. But I didn't run from us. How could I. I love you.

You say it was right somehow, it was right being there with me and you say it was familiar. It was. I understand exactly what you're talking about. It worked. We worked. Until I ran.

I'm sorry I did. But at the same time I'm not, because I don't even want to imagine what the alternative would have been.

It's been a few hours now, and I still don't feel like I'm making sense. I'm sorry if I don't.

But I want to be there with you, I want to be next to you again, feel your presence. I regret that I ran. And I want today to never have happened, I want us to meet in fourteen days and I want it to be right. And I know it will be.

I don't know how to feel. I feel weird somehow. And I feel more in love with you than ever before. You were there. _You_ _were there_.

I'll probably need some time to get over this, to sort my thoughts through in my head. We'll continue writing just like before, though, right? I just need to adjust.

Harry. I love you. That hasn't changed. If anything I'm more certain now.

Louis xx

  
  


_01 January 2017, 12:31 am_

_Subject: RE: ???!!_

_Louis. I understand you, of course I do. It was a weird situation, one none of us was prepared for and that's not what we wanted at all. It wasn't supposed to be like this, but sometimes we can't control everything. It's okay, we're okay. Thirteen days now, and it will still be just how we imagined it._

_Happy New Year, Lou. I hope you have the most amazing year, filled with love and happiness and all of that. Let this be a good year. I hope when you'll look back on 2017 you'll smile and remember the good days, and I hope you'll remember me too. I hope I'll be a big part of your 2017, and I hope you'll be one in mine._

_I never got around to ask you what you're doing on New Years. Whatever it is I hope you have lots of fun and please don't get too drunk. You'll have a headache in the morning._

_Have fun, Lou._

_xxx Harry_

  
  


01 January 2017, 11:51 am

Subject: happy new year h

Harry

Happy New Year. Let this be the start of something new, something great, something to remember. You once said that we live in the memories of other people, let this be a year where we create many, many memories together. I want all the memories with you.

I told Liam what happened, why I left him at that store. He hasn't stopped laughing. It must seem so stupid for outsiders, I didn't realise. We are desperately waiting to meet each other, and when we did I ran.

I can't stop thinking about you, though. Your face in the crowd, your smile widening when you recognised me and your dimples showed. The next time I'll see you I won't run, I promise. I'll stay and I'll won't stop looking, just looking at everything that is you.

Thirteen days, and I can't wait.

Louis xx

  
  


_02 January 2017, 12:03 pm_

_Subject: -_

_Lou. I'm excited for the days to come. The start of a new year always feels so special to me, something I want to hold on to. It's a new start somehow, a new opportunity to make things different, and make them better._

_I'm excited because in twelve days, only twelve days I'll finally meet you, and I'll finally get to understand and learn everything that is between us. We'll get to get to know each other with every day that we chose and we'll finally get to grow with each other, hopefully knowing where all of this takes us._

_xxx_

  
  


02 January 2017, 02:12 pm

Subject: RE: -

No, no, you are doing it wrong. Every day in the year is a time where you can start something new, get a new chance to try. Don't just pin it on one day, that's a waste of time and opportunities.

Okay, who am I kidding. I don't even manage to use New Year's as a chance for a new start, I don't bother making resolutions.

  
  


_02 January 2017, 03:14 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Now that's what I call a waste of opportunities. It doesn't have to be something big or life changing, just a small thing and you'll feel good if you manage to stick to it. Mine are pretty boring most of the time. I'm trying to drink more water this year, boring, but it's a start, right?_

_I haven't told you yet. Remember how I said I would need a new job? Well, I found one. So besides the tutoring I do privately for some students, I'm now working at the Tesco down the street where we met. I really hope it's not your go to grocery store, because I don't think we'll be able to avoid each other if it is. Please tell me it isn't? (Although I know for a fact that there's a shop closer to where you live, so it's probably not. Just thought I'd tell you just in case.)_

_xxx_

  
  


02 January 2017, 05:38 pm

Subject: RE: -

Ahh I'm really happy you found a good job. Good for you. And no, it's not where I usually go. But thanks for the heads up. Not that it will matter for long, though, twelve days young Harold, twelve days.

xxx

  
  


02 January 2017, 10:31 pm

Subject: -

You know what? I called Clara. My old best friend/girlfriend. Or I called her mum first since I didn't have her mobile number. Anyway. She's engaged and pregnant, can you believe? It feels so weird somehow, knowing how people's lives go on after you part ways. Like she's seems so happy, starting a family and it's hard to believe I was ever a part of her life. I'm really happy for her.

And when I called we both started crying. We still get along so well, weird how some things never change. I wouldn't have called her if it wasn't for you, so thank you a lot Harry.

xxx Goodnight.

  
  


_03 January 2017, 07:20 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_You're welcome. I'm glad you called her, and even more it went so well._

_I've been a bit poorly today, my head hurts a lot and I'm so close to falling asleep the whole time. I think I'm gonna go for an early night (a really early one). Night Lou, sleep tight._

_xxx_

  
  


03 January 2017, 07:42 pm

Subject: RE: -

Oh no. I really hope you'll feel better when you wake up, goodnight Harry xxx

  
  


03 January 2017, 08:23 pm

Subject: !!

It's snowing again, Harry. I know – and hope – you're asleep right now, but look, it's magical somehow. Not like the watery mud from a week ago. I love snow. But only if it looks like this. So peaceful.

  
  


03 January 2017, 09:10 pm

Subject: snoooowwww

I might just be a bit too excited about this. But everything is so quiet right now. Why does every noise die when it snows? I could sit at the window forever.

  
  


03 January 2017, 11:45 pm

Subject: night H

I hope we wake up to a winter wondeland tomorrow. Not that I'm looking forward to my way to work, it's gonna take aaages. Night Harry, get well soon xxxx

  
  


_04 January 2017, 06:55 am_

_Subject: RE: night H_

_Ohhhhh it really looks like a winter wonderland. I don't even like winter to be honest, I'm more of a spring person. But this really is beautiful. For now, at least, knowing London I'm gonna give it three hours._

_I'm feeling a lot better, thanks. Good morning, Lou._

  
  


04 January 2017, 07:12 am

Subject: RE: night H

I have to agree, spring is lovely, too. But winter. Come on.

Ten days Harry, can you believe?

  
  


_04 January 2017, 09:34 am_

_Subject: RE: night H_

_Ten days. Do you think this might be the time to plan what we'll be doing? Or is it still to early for that?_

  
  


04 January 2017, 10:18 am

Subject: RE: night H

don't think it is. I was thinking, maybe you could come over to mine at 2 pm -ish? We could go get something to eat or that coffee/tea you promised me seven months ago and then we'll just see where it takes us from there?

  
  


_04 January 2017, 12:29 pm_

_Subject: okay_

_Sounds good to me. Somewhere where we can talk a lot. I like talking. And I just realised I have no idea what your voice sounds like. I now have a pretty accurate picture of you face and you body – your body, oh my – in my head thanks to New Years Eve. But your voice is still a mystery. Hmm. Can't wait to hear it._

  
  


04 January 2017, 02:21 pm

Subject: RE: okay

Isn't it weird? We've been so close a few times, when you brought me the tea and my present or in that shop, but we still don't know how the other's laugh sounds like. And there is so much more to know. All the little things that make you _you_ and me _me._

  
  


_04 January 2017, 07:19 pm_

_Subject: RE: okay_

_I really like when you constantly learn something new, something exciting or even something annoying. It's amazing to get to know all the different facets of a person._

_But then there's also the part when you get to the level with a person where nothing they do really surprises you anymore. Like you just know them so well, and your lives are so close you're just kinda in sync. That's amazing as well._

  
  


04 January 2017, 08:56 pm

Subject: RE: okay

Yeah. Knowing people is amazing.

  
  


_04 January 2017, 09:03 pm_

_Subject: RE: okay_

_Are you mocking me Louis_

  
  


04 January 2017, 09:05 pm

Subject: RE: okay

I'd never... No I actually know what you're talking about. I like people. I like getting to know them. And I like knowing them the way you described it.

And I like how I've been getting to know you for the last few weeks. And I like the fact I'll be getting to know you even better in just a few days. And I hope someday we'll reach the point where our lives are in sync. It might be a bit too early, wishing and hoping I'll keep you in my life forever somehow – as friends or something more, whatever – and it might be a bit early telling you about it considering the fact this ongoing email conversation is the only form of communication so far, but I honestly don't care. Because I do wish for that to come true. Let me keep you. I will let you keep me, too.

xx

  
  


_04 January 2015, 10:31 pm_

_Subject: RE: okay_

_Louis, you do know nothing you can say will make me turn my back to you, right? Or almost nothing. If you tell me you kill puppies for fun in your freetime, I might reconsider._

_But I thought you realised I'm wishing for the same thing._

_Or maybe you didn't, because it's all in my head. You know, whenever I read an email of yours and don't reply immediately it's not because I haven't read it yet. Because I have. It's because I'm thinking about what to write, I'm guessing you do the same thing._

_But as I think, my thoughts run over a million of things I want to tell you but I never do. I don't write you everything I'm telling you in my head. No time, no space. In the hours between reading your email and replying I think over your words, reread them and keep them in my head at all times. And it's like you're with me constantly._

_I'm thinking this is why our 'relationship' has moved so fast. So little time went by before we both said we loved each other, a hundred emails to be exact. Can you imagine what it would have been like had we been talking face to face from the beginning? If we would have been face to face through all of the words we wrote, written words suddenly spoken._

_Like did you know people say around sixteen thousand words a day? That's about as much as we wrote each other. You wouldn't say 'I love you' to someone after half a day now, would you._

_But it works for us because we're with each other even if we aren't, in each other's heads and imagination. It's what I was scared of before. I was scared I romanticized you in my head, fell in love with someone who isn't really_ you _. But I honestly don't think I did. Not anymore._

_Anyway, back to the point._

_I'm so glad we're on the same page here. I'm so glad you think of me the same way I think of you, that we both want this to be more, more in this 'relationship' and more in the future after in-ten-days._

_Together, you and I. Because it works somehow._

_xxx_

  
  


05 January 2017, 07:12 pm

Subject: -

No puppy murders in my freetime, I promise.

You and I, yes. We're different somehow, aren't we? I like different. You once said difference is good. And it is.

Don't say 'relationship.' No quotation marks needed. Relationship. There, it's easy. Whatever this thing between us is, it's definitely a relationship. We might not exactly know where this will take us, and God knows, it might not work out at all, but this here right now? It's our relationship. A thing between the two of us. Let me quote you here. “Together, you and I. Because it works somehow.”

  
  


_05 January 2017, 06:25 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_It does. It does work._

_Apropos work, I had my first day at Tescos today. It's honestly so interesting to see all the different kinds of people, what they look like, what they buy... I'm not judging anyone, but the shy teenage couple buying condoms and a giant bottle of lube? I hope they have a great time. To be honest I wouldn't have the confidence or the ability to keep a straight face if I'd buy a giant bottle of lube surrounded by that many people. Not sure why they didn't just use the self-checkout._

_Or the eldery woman reading through a teen magazine while waiting for her husband? Or the little girl who put literally_ everything _in her mum's shopping car? Let's just say it was an interesting day. I honestly thought working there would be more boring._

  
  


05 January 2017, 07:30 pm

Subject: RE: -

Where do you buy your lube then

  
  


_05 January 2017, 07:42 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Online. Along with other... things... I might be able to put to good use..._

  
  


05 January 2017, 07:46 pm

Subject: RE: -

If you're implying what I think you are I have to stop you right there. Liam is literally sitting two feet away from me. I can't... I must not picture this right now. Ugh.

  
  


_05 January 2017, 07:51 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Oh I'm definitely implying what you think I am._

  
  


05 January 2017, 07:52 pm

Subject: RE: -

HARRY.

  
  


_05 January 2017, 08:15 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Sorryyyyy. Or not_

  
  


05 January 2017, 11:01 pm

Subject: RE: -

You're a menace. Night.

  
  


_05 January 2017, 11:03 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Niiiiiiiiight. xxx_

  
  


_06 January 2017, 06:59 am_

_Subject: morning louuu_

_I have no hot water in the house. Great. At least I wasn't the first one in the shower this morning, you should have heard Niall screaming. At least he's proper awake now. I'm gonna go shower at Niall's girlfriend's now. I hope your morning is better than mine._

  
  


06 January 2017, 07:31 am

Subject: RE: morning louuu

Oh oops haha. Couldn't you just wash yourself over the sink? Cleaning all the good bits with a wet towel? Or are you one of those people who smells if they don't properly shower every day? Would've been a bit easier.

  
  


_06 January 2017, 09:11 am_

_Subject: RE: morning louuu_

_I could've done that, yeah. But why if there's a hot shower just down the street I can use. And since I conveniently forgot my shampoo at home I know smell like vanilla and roses, it's lovely. I got compliments on how good my hair smells by two girls in my glass by now and the day has only begun. Maybe this morning isn't too bad after all._

  
  


06 January 2017, 10:31 am

Subject: RE: morning louuu

Oh and here I was, thinking you smell like vanilla and roses everyday. What a shame you don't.

  
  


_06 January 2017, 10:59 am_

_Subject: RE: morning louuu_

_So that's what you like? Men with abs and tattoos smelling like flowers? Maybe some lacey pants too?_

  
  


06 January 2017, 11:05 am

Subject: RE: morning louuu

I think we're not quite at the point for this conversation, Styles. But wear whatever you want. With the skinny jeans you wore when we met at the shop I could imagine you wearing something lacey underneath them. Or a thong. Or no pants at all. Okay, I'm gonna stop myself right here.

  
  


_06 January 2017, 11:13 am_

_Subject: RE: morning louuu_

_Hm you're not too far of with your thoughts there, Lou._

  
  


06 January 2017, 12:20 am

Subject: RE: morning louuu

how often do I have to say this: HARRY.

  
  


_06 January 2017, 12:31 am_

_Subject: RE: morning louuu_

_I never quite know how you mean that. Are you yelling? Calling me out? Is it a dissaproving 'Harry'? A shocked one? Or are you moaning my name?_

  
  


06 January 2017, 12:35 am

Subject: RE: morning louuu

I'm gonna leave that to your imagination.

  
  


_06 January 2017, 12:37 am_

_Subject: RE: morning louuu_

_Great._

  
  


06 January 2017, 12:37 am

Subject: RE: morning louuu

great.

  
  


_06 January 2017, 05:16 pm_

_Subject: -_

_The guy fixing the boiler is fit._

  
  


06 January 2017, 05:34 pm

Subject: RE: -

??? Are you trying to make me jealous?

  
  


_06 January 2017, 05:41 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_No. Maybe. Yes._

  
  


06 January 2017, 05:45 pm

Subject: RE: -

Not working. He might be fit but I'm the one you're writing to right now, right?

  
  


_06 January 2017, 05:49 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Hm yes I clearly didn't think this through. But he actually gave me his number._

  
  


06 January 2017, 05:51 pm

Subject: RE: -

As in 'Call me if the hot water doesn't work again' or as in 'Let's go out for dinner or call me if you want to have a fun night' ?

  
  


_06 January 2017, 05:59 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Well he wrote it on a piece of paper and drew a winky smiley face, so I guess it's the latter. I'm not interested though, as you said you are the one I'm writing right now._

  
  


06 January 2017, 06:02 pm

Subject: RE: -

I feel special.

  
  


_06 January 2017, 06:03 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_You are._

  
  


06 January 2017, 06:09 pm

Subject: RE: -

… That was extremely cheesy, Harold.

  
  


_06 January 2017, 06:11 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Oh I know._

  
  


07 January 2017, 02:39 pm

Subject: so soon??

Seven days, Harry, can you believe?

  
  


_07 January 2017, 03:21 pm_

_Subject: RE: so soon??_

_I know, time has passed so fast. Too fast for my liking. Not that I want to wait any longer until we meet, but how is it already one week into 2017? How has that even happened?_

  
  


07 January 2017, 03:30 pm

Subject: RE: so soon??

That's literally me everday. I feel like I don't even have the time to stop for a second and appreciate everything that's happening if I'm always wishing for things to come by faster. Like the weekend. I don't feel like it should be that way.

  
  


_07 January 2017, 03:31 pm_

_Subject: RE: so soon??_

_Yeah. Everyone is only waiting for the weekend to arrive as if the rest of the week is really awful. I'm sure it is for some people but it's so sad, isn't it? That we can't just live every day the same without wishing our life to go by faster. It's a waste of time._

_But I can't help it. Because I wish the next seven days to go by in a rush and I wish for the time until the next weekend somewhere at the sea to go by faster. And I wish for winter to end and spring to come and then I'll probably wish for spring to go by and summer to come._

_And most of all I wish it wouldn't be that way._

  
  


07 January 2017, 04:01 pm

Subject: RE: so soon??

Yeah well but it is. Doesn't mean I like it either. But I hope you enjoy your weekend now that it's here.

  
  


_08 January 2017, 08:49 pm_

_Subject: -_

_I did. Enjoy my weekend, that is. Spend a lit of time reading, haven't done that in a while apart from reading for uni. So that was nice. Met my sister's new boyfriend, the one from the toilet, ugh, lovely guy. Cleaned the flat, not so much fun. But over all, good times._

  
  


08 January 2017, 09:12 pm

Subject: RE: -

But don't you just love the feeling after you cleaned the whole flat and everthing is nice and tidy and clean again? So relaxing. As if you've cleaned your head too.

I went out with Liam. Looks like we might not need you as a matchmaker anymore, he met a really nice guy. Smoking hot and gorgeous and polite and funny and all that. Good catch. Let's hope it actually goes somewhere.

  
  


_08 January 2017, 09:15 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Uh good for Liam. How did you two meet anyway?_

  
  


08 January 2017, 09:21 pm

Subject: RE: -

Kind of a funny story, actually.

We met at a party in the first week of uni and had sex that night, both completely pissed. It was supposed to be just a one time thing and it got so awkward the next week when it turned out we had classes and projects together. But we kinda figured out we worked good together as friends and somehow we managed to turn from a one night stand to best and completely platonic friends. We would so not be suitable as lovers I'm not even sure how that one night worked out. And now he's one of the most important people in my life. Funny how some things turn out.

  
  


_08 January 2017, 10:02 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Yeah it's weird. When you meet someone you never know how important they'll be in your life, what kind of impact they will make. The person you awkwardly flirt with at the bar could be your future spouse. Or the parent of your kid. Who knows._

  
  


08 January 2017, 10:15 pm

Subject: RE: -

Well no one knows. And it would probably be a bit overwhelming if we did.

I still have a thing for work to finish until tomorrow, great. I'm gonna get to work now, please don't distract me

  
  


_08 January 2017, 10:17 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_But I'm a good distraction, right?_

  
  


08 January 2017, 10:20 pm

Subject: RE: -

You are. And a very effective one as well. Shhhh

  
  


_08 January 2017, 10:21 pm_

_Subject: RE: -_

_Okay. Have fun doing whatever you need to do, goodnight xxx_

  
  


09 January 2017, 01:03 am

Subject: RE: -

Goodnight Harry xxx

  
  


_09 January 2017, 08:12 pm_

_Subject: Lou_

_I wrote you a song. Or I didn't wrote_ you _a song but I wrote a song and I guess one could say it was inspired by you, by this thing between us. Is that weird? I don't think so._

  
  


09 January 2017, 08:30 pm

Subject: RE: Lou

No no that's not weird at all. I want to hear it. Can I hear it Harry??

  
  


_09 January 2017, 08:34 pm_

_Subject: RE: Lou_

_I wouldn't have told you about it if I didn't want you to hear it. I'm gonna play it to you in person one day, okay?_

  
  


09 January 2017, 08:47 pm

Subject: RE: Lou

You mean in five days?

  
  


_09 January 2017, 08:48 pm_

_Subject: RE: Lou_

_I mean I'm not gonna bring my guitar to our date._

  
  


09 January 2017, 08:50 pm

Subject: RE: Lou

I might have one myself

  
  


_09 January 2017, 08:51 pm_

_Subject: RE: Lou_

_Okay then in five days if you want me to._

  
  


09 January 2017, 08:53 pm

Subject: RE: Lou

I think I made it pretty clear I want you to.

  
  


_09 January 2017, 08:56 pm_

_Subject: RE: Lou_

_It's settled then._

  
  


09 January 2017, 08:58 pm

Subject: RE: Lou

Yayyyy. Can't wait. Can't wait to see you in only five days

  
  


_09 January 2017, 09:00 pm_

_Subject: RE: Lou_

_Louis Lewis Lou. Five days. xxx_

  
  


_10 January 2017, 04:31 pm_

_Subject: FOUR_

_Four days. 2 pm-ish, right?_

  
  


10 January 2017, 05:18 pm

Subject: RE: FOUR

yes. I should probably tidy my flat a bit before, though.

  
  


_10 January 2017, 05:59 pm_

_Subject: RE: FOUR_

_Okay but I don't really care to be honest. And we're gonna go eat somewhere anyway, right?_

  
  


10 January 2017, 06:11 pm

Subject: RE: FOUR

Yeah. But just in case we want to spend some more time at mine or you decide to stay a while after...

  
  


_10 January 2017, 06:15 pm_

_Subject: RE: FOUR_

_I guess we'll just see, right? How things work out between us, how things develop and such._

  
  


10 January 2017, 06:29 pm

Subject: RE: FOUR

Yeah I guess we'll see.

  
  


11 January 2017, 09:01 am

Subject: foooood

Have you by any chance ever tried the bakery two streets from the Tesco where you work? They make the best cakes in the whole world, oh my. It's not even noon and I've eaten enough sugar for the next week.

  
  


_11 January 2017, 10:19 am_

_Subject: RE: foooood_

_Claire's?? I used to work there when I first moved to London for a few months. Their cake really is amazing._

  
  


11 January 2017, 10:43 am

Subject: RE: foooood

What do you say, we could go there on Saturday? I might go for something not quite as sugary but it's a nice place to sit and chat, right? And they make great tea and coffee as well. You already know that since you used to work here but anyway. Good idea? Bad idea?

  
  


_11 January 2017, 12:23 pm_

_Subject: RE: foooood_

_Good idea. Definitely a good idea._

  
  


11 January 2017, 12:38 pm

Subject: RE: foooood

Perfect xxx

  
  


12 January 2017, 09:12 pm

Subject: update

Since I need to whine about this to someone and I know you'll listen here's an update on the Liam-boyfriend situation. Liam is hopelessly falling for him. Like they only met a few days ago but they're constantly texting and Liam gets this huge smile on his face when he talks about him. They went out for coffee today and I just got off the phone with Liam gushing over _'his beautiful eyes and he's so handsome and fit Louis, and he has a little puppy AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO LOUIS'_. I mean it's cute somehow and I'm really happy for him but it's also a bit nauseating. A bit much maybe. But I love Liam and I'm not really complaining, I want him to be happy. So this is kinda pointless. Anyway. How's your day been?

  
  


_12 January 2017, 10:02 pm_

_Subject: RE: update_

_Oh haha yeah I know the feeling. People in love (or even just falling) can be hard to be around. So much happiness._

_My day has been a bit boring. Went to work, wrote on an uni paper and did some course work. No interesting customer stories today, though. So yeah, a bit boring._

  
  


12 January 2017, 10:38 pm

Subject: RE: update

Oh but I was looking forward to hearing more about lube buying customers!!!!

  
  


_12 January 2017, 10:41 pm_

_Subject: RE: update_

_Sorry, nothing lube related happening today. No not true. Something lube related is probably gonna happen at some point before bed time but that's not the point. Anyway._

  
  


12 January 2017, 10:52 pm

Subject: RE: update

Harry you really have to stop doing that. You can't just _say_ these things and then leave me hanging here with nothing.

  
  


_12 January 2017, 10:53 pm_

_Subject: RE: update_

_Well I don't have to. What do you want?_

  
  


12 January 2017, 10:55 pm

Subject: RE: update

… nothing. Nothing you can give me now. Because I want you, but we both know that's not gonna happen.

  
  


_12 January 2017, 10:57 pm_

_Subject: RE: update_

_But at some point it will, right? Preferably soon? Because I don't think my hand and fingers will be enough once I know what you're like in person._

  
  


12 January 2017, 10:58 pm

Subject: RE: update

Yes Harry. Sometime soon. xxx

  
  


_13 January 2017, 04:22 pm_

_Subject: tomorrow?????_

_How is this happening? How is it happening tomorrow, in less than twenty-four hours?? How is that possible??_

_How is it possible that I'll see you in person tomorrow when that's all I wanted for a few weeks? It's surreal, that's what it is._

_We always said that we wanted to be ready, and I always said I was too scared to face you. But I'm not anymore, I'm not scared and I'm ready. I'm just excited, if anything. Happy. Glad this is happening, for real. Glad this is something we both want and something that we've decided on together. I'm just so, so excited to meet you. Nervous, maybe, but really really happy._

_xxx_

  
  


13 January 2017, 04:59 pm

Subject: RE: tomorrow?????

I'm nervous, too. And excited. And happy.

And most importantly I'm ready. This time I'm actually ready and prepared and I promise you I'm not gonna shut the door in your face or run the opposite direction. It's going to happen, and I could not be happier that it is. xx

And the flat is ready. All tidy and clean and ready to welcome a new person.

  
  


14 January 2017, 12:12 am

Subject: -

Goodnight, Harry. Fourteen hours. Today.

  
  


_14 January 2017, 01:24 pm_

_Subject: !!!!!_

_I'm leaving my flat in three minutes. See you in a bit xxxx_

  
  


14 January 2017, 01:28 pm

Subject: RE: !!!!!

Literally can't wait...

  
  


***

  
  


When Louis opens the door it's to a man in skin tight black jeans and a thick coat, melted snow slowly running down the fabric. It's to Harry taking a small step back as their eyes lock, and to nervous fingers pushing his long hair back.

A smile grows on Harry's face, dimples showing.

“Hi,” he says, voice deep and slow.

A similar smile tucks on the corner of Louis' lips until they're both grinning in unison.

“Hey,” he replies.

It's the easiest thing either of them has ever done.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... it's done. I actually managed to finish a fic, whaaaat.  
>  I want to say a massive massive thank you to everyone who decided to click on the story and read it, for leaving kudos and comments, it literally means the world.  
> I have a few other fics I'm currently writing, keep your eyes peeled if you want to read more from me :)  
> xxxxxxx


	5. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so sappy and I apologise for nothing.

**Epilogue**

 

  
  


_3 June 2021, 08:23 pm_

_Louis._

_My Louis._

_It's been a long time since I last sat down to write you, put my thoughts into words and typed them down for you to read. I can't say I miss it, how could I when instead I get to tell you what's on my mind while looking into your eyes, if I can whisper it to you because there is no need for volume in the little distance between our bodies._

_But today, I thought, today on the anniversary of that one particular day I wanted to write you again. Although I wrote most of this days ago, weeks even. I wrote whenever a special memory came into my head, whenever I remembered the little things that made the last five years so very special. So here is my list._

  1. _One thing I will never forget is the look in your eyes that one day in that little shop. You know the one. I will forever remember what it felt like seeing you for the first time, to put a face, a body to the words and feelings. But you know about that one, I have told you before._

  2. _And then the first day we properly met. How nervous I was pushing your doorbell, how the tension melted the second you opened the door. What it felt like to meet a person I thought I knew so well, and the discovery that everything was still so different and new. The way you talked and walked, your laugh, your touch. How it was our first date in the restaurant that night, and we could still talk about our families and friends as if we were lifelong friends._

_Like meeting a childhood friend after years spent apart, getting to know each other on already existing memories together._

  3. _How you blushed after our first kiss. How you suddenly got shy and awkward, so different from the loud person I got to know. How the sex has been hot and romantic since the first time. How that never changed._

  4. _That one day when we went to the museum and you told me all these little stories, what they reminded you of, or stories you made up about the men and women pictured. We sat there and I forgot the world around me listening to your voice. Hours went by and there were still things to tell. Getting to know more facettes of your personality day by day never fails to amaze me._

  5. _The day we got away. When we packed our things and escaped for the weekend, drove until we found a place we liked, stayed and made that little town in the countryside the most beautiful place to be._

  6. _Breakfast in bed and sex all night, cuddles in the morning and kisses all day long._

  7. _The day we both cried when I left for New York, and the day I came back after four months. The skype sessions we had almost every day and how it felt like home being in your arms again._

  8. _You sitting on the countertop as I make breakfast has become an engraved part of my day since the first time it happened. When you are wearing nothing but your pants, even in the winter when it is freezing cold outside and I have to beg you to at least wear socks because even though you like the temperature way too warm in every room our floorboards are always cold._

  9. _Our floorboards... The day we moved in together. Remember how it took forever until we found the perfect place? And how we spent the first two days on just a mattress, and we had no hot water?_

_How it became_ ours _, some of your furniture, some of mine. Some new one entirely. Pictures of your family next to mine, pictures of us with Liam and Niall together, the cereal you hate next to the cereal I hate. Too many pants and socks to know which one belong to whom, and not caring because we share anyway._

  10. _When it was my birthday and the surprises just kept on going. The little house near the sea, the multi-course dinner you cooked yourself (still impressed!), the weekend away with no stress or work or anything else to do besides waking up next to each other._

  11. _Have I ever told you how much I enjoy spending time with you? Have I really? What I am trying to say is that, just_ being _with you makes me feel safe. I love our dates, and I love kissing (I love you!) but even sitting on the sofa reading while you are on your phone, or taking a nap, I love that, too. Your simple presence is what makes my heart flutter. Because it still does, flutter that is. And then there is this sense of calmness, where you make me feel at ease. At home._




_I know there is more. Enough to fill page over page, but somehow these are the ones which stuck in my head. Ever since you wrote me five years ago, as a stranger, you have been a part of my life. A small one at first, unsignificant, and then it grew into so much more._

_We both grew, together and separately. And even above all the things I just wrote down, that has to be my favourite one. I used to think relationships were this magical thing, you becoming one with your partner, them changing you and your life. Don't get me wrong, I still think this is magical somehow. But you didn't change me. Instead you let me be the best version of myself, and I hope I do the same for you._

_And that is what love is, right? Growing with each other, next to each other? Evolving and learning, failing and then succeeding. Being each other's anchors, the person who keeps the other grounded and still makes their head fly through the highest clouds. It's support, and safety, and adventure and risk, and above all of that it's the most amazing thing ever and I am so lucky to experience it. With you._

_Maybe you are wondering right now why exactly I urged you to check your emails after dinner, maybe you are wondering why I am (probably) watching you like a creep while you are reading this._

_Maybe you have already figured it out._

_Lou. I could say all the romantic and sappy stuff. I already have and I would do it for hours on end. But honestly, I don't think the past matters all that much. I would rather have the future with you. Forever, maybe?_

_Louis. Will you marry me?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Louis says yes. Of course he does.)  
> Finally, a long overdue epilogue...

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is greatly appreciated :)  
> I want to thank every single one of you for reading, this was the first bit of writing I ever published, and knowing this little story means something to a few people means the world to me. Thank you. Follow me on tumblr at mikkefic :)


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